§§ 43–87. Rewards and Punishments

§ 43. This being laid down in general, as the Course that ought to be taken, ’tis fit we now come to consider the Parts of the Discipline to be us’d, a little more particularly. I have spoken so much of carrying a strict Hand over Children, that perhaps I shall be suspected of not considering enough, what is due to their tender Age and Constitutions. But that Opinion will vanish, when you have heard me a little farther: For I am very apt to think, that great Severity of Punishment does but very little Good, nay, great Harm in Education; and I believe it will be found that, cæteris paribus, those Children who have been most chastis’d, seldom make the best Men. All that I have hitherto contended for, is, that whatsoever Rigor is necessary, it is more to be us’d, the younger Children are; and having by a due Application wrought its Effect, it is to be relax’d, and chang’d into a milder Sort of Government.

§ 44. A Compliance and Suppleness of their Wills, being by a steady Hand introduc’d by Parents, before Children have Memories to retain the Beginnings of it, will seem natural to them, and work afterwards in them as if it were so, preventing all Occasions of struggling or repining. The only Care is, that it be begun early, and inflexibly kept to ’till Awe and Respect be grown familiar, and there appears not the least Reluctancy in the Submission, and ready Obedience of their Minds. When this Reverence is once thus established, (which it must be early, or else it will cost Pains and Blows to recover it, and the more the longer it is deferr’d) ’tis by it, still mix’d with as much Indulgence as they make not an ill use of, and not by Beating, Chiding, or other servile Punishments, they are for the future to be govern’d as they grow up to more Understanding.

§ 45. That this is so, will be easily allow’d, when it is but consider’d, what is to be aim’d at in an ingenuous Education; and upon what it turns.

1. He that has not a Mastery over his Inclinations, he that knows not how to resist the Importunity of present Pleasure or Pain, for the sake of what Reason tells him is fit to be done, wants the true Principle of Virtue and Industry, and is in danger never to be good for any Thing. This Temper therefore, so contrary to unguided Nature, is to be got betimes; and this Habit, as the true Foundation of future Ability and Happiness, is to be wrought into the Mind as early as may be, even from the first Dawnings of Knowledge or Apprehension in Children, and so to be confirm’d in them, by all the Care and Ways imaginable, by those who have the Oversight of their Education.

§ 46. 2. On the other Side, if the Mind be curb’d, and humbled too much in Children; if their Spirits be abas’d and broken much, by too strict an Hand over them, they lose all their Vigour and Industry, and are in a worse State than the former. For extravagant young Fellows, that have Liveliness and Spirit, come sometimes to be set right, and so make able and great Men; but dejected Minds, timorous and tame, and low Spirits, are hardly ever to be rais’d, and very seldom attain to any Thing. To avoid the Danger that is on either Hand, is the great Art; and he that has found a Way how to keep up a Child’s Spirit easy, active, and free, and yet at the same time to restrain him from many Things he has a Mind to, and to draw him to Things that are uneasy to him; he, I say, that knows how to reconcile these seeming Contradictions, has, in my Opinion, got the true Secret of Education.

§ 47. The usual lazy and short Way by Chastisement and the Rod, which is the only Instrument of Government that Tutors generally know, or ever think of, is the most unfit of any to be us’d in Education, because it tends to both those Mischiefs; which, as we have shewn, are the Scylla and Charybdis, which on the one hand or the other ruin all that miscarry.

§ 48. 1. This Kind of Punishment contributes not at all to the Mastery of our natural Propensity to indulge corporal and present Pleasure, and to avoid Pain at any rate, but rather encourages it, and thereby strengthens that in us, which is the Root from whence spring all vicious Actions, and the Irregularities of Life. For what other Motive, but of sensual Pleasure and Pain, does a Child act by, who drudges at his Book against his Inclination, or abstains from eating unwholesome Fruit, that he takes Pleasure in, only out of Fear of Whipping? He in this only prefers the greater corporal Pleasure, or avoids the greater corporal Pain. And what is it, to govern his Actions, and direct his Conduct by such Motives as these? What is it, I say, but to cherish that Principle in him, which it is our Business to root out and destroy? And therefore I cannot think any Correction useful to a Child, where the Shame of suffering for having done amiss, does not work more upon him than the Pain.

§ 49. 2. This Sort of Correction naturally breeds an Aversion to that which ’tis the Tutor’s Business to create a Liking to. How obvious is it to observe, that Children come to hate Things which were at first acceptable to them, when they find themselves whipp’d, and chid, and teas’d about them? And it is not to be wonder’d at in them, when grown Men would not be able to be reconcil’d to any Thing by such Ways. Who is there that would not be disgusted with any innocent Recreation, in itself indifferent to him, if he should with Blows or ill Language be haled to it, when he had no Mind? Or be constantly so treated, for some Circumstances in his Application to it? This is natural to be so. Offensive Circumstances ordinarily infect innocent Things which they are join’d with; and the very Sight of a Cup wherein any one uses to take nauseous Physick, turns his Stomach, so that nothing will relish well out of it, tho’ the Cup be never so clean and well-shap’d, and of the richest Materials.

§ 50. 3. Such a Sort of slavish Discipline makes a slavish Temper. The Child submits, and dissembles Obedience, whilst the Fear of the Rod hangs over him; but when that is remov’d, and by being out of Sight, he can promise himself Impunity, he gives the greater Scope to his natural Inclination; which by this Way is not at all alter’d, but, on the contrary, heighten’d and increas’d in him; and after such restraint, breaks out usually with the more Violence; or,

§ 51. 4. If Severity carry’d to the highest Pitch does prevail, and works a Cure upon the present unruly Distemper, it often brings in the room of it a worse and more dangerous Disease, by breaking the Mind; and then, in the Place of a disorderly young Fellow, you have a low spirited moap’d Creature, who, however with his unnatural Sobriety he may please silly People, who commend tame unactive Children, because they make no Noise, nor give them any Trouble; yet at last, will probably prove as uncomfortable a Thing to his Friends, as he will be all his Life an useless Thing to himself and others.

§ 52. Beating them, and all other Sorts of slavish and corporal Punishments, are not the Discipline fit to be used in the Education of those we would have wise, good, and ingenuous Men; and therefore very rarely to be apply’d, and that only in great Occasions, and Cases of Extremity. On the other Side, to flatter Children by Rewards of Things that are pleasant to them, is as carefully to be avoided. He that will give to his Son Apples or Sugar-Plumbs, or what else of this kind he is most delighted with, to make him learn his Book, does but authorize his Love of Pleasure, and cocker up that dangerous Propensity, which he ought by all Means to subdue and stifle in him. You can never hope to teach him to master it, whilst you compound for the Check you gave his Inclination in one Place, by the Satisfaction you propose to it in another. To make a good, a wise, and a virtuous Man, ’tis fit he should learn to cross his Appetite, and deny his Inclination to Riches, Finery, or pleasing his Palate, &c. whenever his Reason advises the contrary, and his Duty requires it. But when you draw him to do any Thing that is fit by the Offer of Money, or reward the Pains of Learning his Book by the Pleasure of a luscious Morsel; when you promise him a Lace-Cravat or a fine new Suit, upon Performance of some of his little Tasks; what do you by proposing these as Rewards, but allow them to be the good Things he should aim at, and thereby encourage his Longing for ’em, and accustom him to place his Happiness in them? Thus People, to prevail with Children to be industrious about their Grammar, Dancing, or some other such Matter, of no great Moment to the Happiness or Usefulness of their Lives, by misapply’d Rewards and Punishments, sacrifice their Virtue, invert the Order of their Education, and teach them Luxury, Pride, or Covetousness, &c. For in this Way, flattering those wrong Inclinations which they should restrain and suppress, they lay the Foundations of those future Vices, which cannot be avoided but by curbing our Desires and accustoming them early to submit to Reason.

§ 53. I say not this, that I would have Children kept from the Conveniences or Pleasures of Life, that are not injurious to their Health or Virtue. On the contrary, I would have their Lives made as pleasant and as agreeable to them as may be, in a plentiful Enjoyment of whatsoever might innocently delight them; provided it be with this Caution, that they have those Enjoyments, only as the Consequences of the State of Esteem and Acceptation they are in with their Parents and Governors; but they should never be offer’d or bestow’d on them, as the Rewards of this or that particular Performance, that they shew an Aversion to, or to which they would not have apply’d themselves without that Temptation.

§ 54. But if you take away the Rod on one Hand, and these little Encouragements which they are taken with, on the other, how then (will you say) shall Children be govern’d? Remove Hope and Fear, and there is an End of all Discipline. I grant that Good and Evil, Reward and Punishment, are the only Motives to a rational Creature: These are the Spur and Reins whereby all Mankind are set on Work, and guided, and therefore they are to be made use of to Children too. For I advise their Parents and Governors always to carry this in their Minds, that Children are to be treated as rational Creatures.

§ 55. Rewards, I grant, and Punishments must be proposed to Children, if we intend to work upon them. The Mistake I imagine is, that those that are generally made use of, are ill chosen. The Pains and Pleasures of the Body are, I think, of ill Consequence, when made the Rewards and Punishments whereby Men would prevail on their Children; for, as I said before, they serve but to increase and strengthen those Inclinations, which ’tis our Business to subdue and master. What Principle of Virtue do you lay in a Child, if you will redeem his Desires of one Pleasure, by the Proposal of another? This is but to enlarge his Appetite, and instruct it to wander. If a Child cries for an unwholsome and dangerous Fruit, you purchase his Quiet by giving him a less hurtful Sweet-meat. This perhaps may preserve his Health, but spoils his Mind, and sets that farther out of Order. For here you only change the Object, but flatter still his Appetite, and allow that must be satisfy’d, wherein, as I have shew’d, lies the Root of the Mischief; and till you bring him to be able to bear a Denial of that Satisfaction, the Child may at present be quiet and orderly, but the Disease is not cured. By this Way of proceeding, you foment and cherish in him that which is the Spring from whence all the Evil flows, which will be sure on the next Occasion to break out again with more Violence, give him stronger Longings, and you more Trouble.

§ 56. The Rewards and Punishments then, whereby we should keep Children in Order, are quite of another Kind, and of that Force, that when we can get them once to work, the Business, I think, is done, and the Difficulty is over. Esteem and Disgrace are, of all others, the most powerful Incentives to the Mind, when once it is brought to relish them. If you can once get into Children a Love of Credit, and an Apprehension of Shame and Disgrace, you have put into ’em the true Principle, which will constantly work and incline them to the right. But it will be ask’d, How shall this be done?

I confess it does not at first Appearance want some Difficulty; but yet I think it worth our while to seek the Ways (and practise them when found) to attain this, which I look on as the great Secret of Education.

§ 57. First, Children (earlier perhaps than we think) are very sensible of Praise and Commendation. They find a Pleasure in being esteem’d and valu’d, especially by their Parents and those whom they depend on. If therefore the Father caress and commend them when they do well, shew a cold and neglectful Countenance to them upon doing ill, and this accompany’d by a like Carriage of the Mother and all others that are about them, it will, in a little Time, make them sensible of the Difference; and this, if constantly observ’d, I doubt not but will of itself work more than Threats or Blows, which lose their Force when once grown common, and are of no Use when Shame does not attend them; and therefore are to be forborne, and never to be us’d, but in the Case hereafter-mention’d, when it is brought to Extremity.

§ 58. But Secondly, To make the Sense of Esteem or Disgrace sink the deeper, and be of the more Weight, other agreeable or disagreeable Things should constantly accompany these different States; not as particular Rewards and Punishments of this or that particular Action, but as necessarily belonging to, and constantly attending one, who by his Carriage has brought himself into a State of Disgrace or Commendation. By which Way of treating them, Children may as much as possible be brought to conceive, that those that are commended, and in Esteem for doing well, will necessarily be belov’d and cherish’d by every Body, and have all other good Things as a Consequence of it; and on the other Side, when any one by Miscarriage falls into Disesteem, and cares not to preserve his Credit, he will unavoidably fall under Neglect and Contempt; and in that State, the Want of whatever might satisfy or delight him will follow. In this Way the Objects of their Desires are made assisting to Virtue, when a settled Experience from the Beginning teaches Children that the Things they delight in, belong to, and are to be enjoy’d by those only who are in a State of Reputation. If by these Means you can come once to shame them out of their Faults, (for besides that, I would willingly have no Punishment) and make them in Love with the Pleasure of being well thought on, you may turn them as you please, and they will be in Love with all the Ways of Virtue.

§ 59. The great Difficulty here is, I imagine, from the Folly and Perverseness of Servants, who are hardly to be hinder’d from crossing herein the Design of the Father and Mother. Children discountenanc’d by their Parents for any Fault, find usually a Refuge and Relief in the Caresses of those foolish Flatterers, who thereby undo whatever the Parents endeavour to establish. When the Father or Mother looks sowre on the Child, every Body else should put on the same Coldness to him, and no body give him Countenance, ’till Forgiveness ask’d, and a Reformation of his Fault has set him right again, and restor’d him to his former Credit. If this were constantly observ’d, I guess there would be little Need of Blows or Chiding: Their own Ease and Satisfaction would quickly teach Children to court Commendation, and avoid doing that which they found every Body condemn’d and they were sure to suffer for, without being chid or beaten. This would teach them Modesty and Shame; and they would quickly come to have a natural Abhorrence for that which they found made them slighted and neglected by every Body. But how this Inconvenience from Servants is to be remedy’d, I must leave to Parents’ Care and Consideration. Only I think it of great Importance; and that they are very happy who can get discreet People about their Children.

§ 60. Frequent Beating or Chiding is therefore carefully to be avoided: Because this Sort of Correction never produces any Good, farther than it serves to raise Shame and Abhorrence of the Miscarriage that brought it on them. And if the greatest Part of the Trouble be not the Sense that they have done amiss, and the Apprehension that they have drawn on themselves the just Displeasure of their best Friends, the Pain of Whipping will work but an imperfect Cure. It only patches up for the present, and skins it over, but reaches not to the Bottom of the Sore; ingenuous Shame, and the Apprehensions of Displeasure, are the only true Restraint. These alone ought to hold the Reins, and keep the Child in Order. But corporal Punishments must necessarily lose that Effect, and wear out the Sense of Shame, where they frequently return. Shame in Children has the same Place that Modesty has in Women, which cannot be kept and often transgress’d against. And as to the Apprehension of Displeasure in the Parents, that will come to be very insignificant, if the Marks of that Displeasure quickly cease, and a few Blows fully expiate. Parents should well consider what Faults in their Children are weighty enough to deserve the Declaration of their Anger: But when their Displeasure is once declar’d to a Degree that carries any Punishment with it, they ought not presently to lay by the Severity of their Brows, but to restore their Children to their former Grace with some Difficulty, and delay a full Reconciliation, ’till their Conformity and more than ordinary Merit, make good their Amendment. If this be not so order’d, Punishment will, by Familiarity, become a mere Thing of Course, and lose all its Influence; offending, being chastised, and then forgiven, will be thought as natural and necessary, as Noon, Night, and Morning following one another.

§ 61. Concerning Reputation, I shall only remark this one Thing more of it, that though it be not the true Principle and Measure of Virtue, (for that is the Knowledge of a Man’s Duty, and the Satisfaction it is to obey his Maker, in following the Dictates of that Light God has given him, with the Hopes of Acceptation and Reward) yet it is that which comes nearest to it: And being the Testimony and Applause that other People’s Reason, as it were by a common Consent, gives to virtuous and well-order’d Actions, it is the proper Guide and Encouragement of Children, ’till they grow able to judge for themselves, and to find what is right by their own Reason.

§ 62. This Consideration may direct Parents how to manage themselves in reproving and commending their Children. The Rebukes and Chiding, which their Faults will sometimes make hardly to be avoided, should not only be in sober, grave, and unpassionate Words, but also alone and in private: But the Commendations Children deserve, they should receive before others. This doubles the Reward, by spreading their Praise; but the Backwardness Parents shew in divulging their Faults, will make them set a greater Value on their Credit themselves, and teach them to be the more careful to preserve the good Opinion of others, whilst they think they have it: But when being expos’d to Shame, by publishing their Miscarriages, they give it up for lost, that Check upon them is taken off, and they will be the less careful to preserve others’ good Thoughts of them, the more they suspect that their Reputation with them is already blemish’d.

§ 63. But if a right Course be taken with Children, there will not be so much need of the Application of the common Rewards and Punishments as we imagine, and as the general Practice has establish’d. For all their innocent Folly, Playing, and childish Actions, are to be left perfectly free and unrestrained, as far as they can consist with the Respect due to those that are present; and that with the greatest Allowance. If these Faults of their Age, rather than of the Children themselves, were, as they should be, left only to Time and Imitation and riper Years to cure, Children would escape a great deal of misapply’d and useless Correction, which either fails to overpower the natural Disposition of their Childhood, and so by an ineffectual Familiarity, makes Correction in other necessary Cases of less Use; or else if it be of Force to restrain the natural Gaiety of that Age, it serves only to spoil the Temper both of Body and Mind. If the Noise and Bustle of their Play prove at any Time inconvenient, or unsuitable to the Place or Company they are in, (which can only be where their Parents are) a Look or a Word from the Father or Mother, if they have establish’d the Authority they should, will be enough either to remove or quiet them for that Time. But this gamesome Humour, which is wisely adapted by Nature to their Age and Temper, should rather be encourag’d to keep up their Spirits, and improve their Strength and Health, than curb’d and restrain’d; and the chief Art is to make all that they have to do, Sport and Play too.

§ 64. And here give me leave to take Notice of one Thing I think a Fault in the ordinary Method of Education; and that is, the charging of Children’s Memories, upon all Occasions, with Rules and Precepts, which they often do not understand, and constantly as soon forget as given. If it be some Action you would have done, or done otherwise, whenever they forget, or do it awkwardly, make them do it over and over again, ’till they are perfect; whereby you will get these two Advantages. First, To see whether it be an Action they can do, or is fit to be expected of them: For sometimes Children are bid to do Things which upon Trial they are found not able to do, and had need be taught and exercis’d in before they are requir’d to do them. But it is much easier for a Tutor to command than to teach. Secondly, Another Thing got by it will be this, that by repeating the same Action ’till it be grown habitual in them, the Performance will not depend on Memory or Reflection, the Concomitant of Prudence and Age, and not of Childhood, but will be natural in them. Thus bowing to a Gentleman, when he salutes him, and looking in his Face, when he speaks to him, is by constant Use as natural to a well-bred Man, as breathing; it requires no Thought, no Reflection. Having this Way cured in your Child any Fault, it is cured for ever: And thus one by one you may weed them out all, and plant what Habits you please.

§ 65. I have seen Parents so heap Rules on their Children, that it was impossible for the poor little Ones to remember a tenth Part of them, much less to observe them. However, they were either by Words or Blows corrected for the Breach of those multiply’d and often very impertinent Precepts. Whence it naturally follow’d that the Children minded not what was said to them, when it was evident to them that no Attention they were capable of was sufficient to preserve them from Transgression, and the Rebukes which follow’d it.

Let therefore your Rules to your Son be as few as possible, and rather fewer than more than seem absolutely necessary. For if you burden him with many Rules, one of these two Things must necessarily follow; that either he must be very often punish’d, which will be of ill Consequence, by making Punishment too frequent and familiar; or else you must let the Transgressions of some of your Rules go unpunish’d, whereby they will of course grow contemptible, and your Authority become cheap to him. Make but few Laws, but see they be well observ’d when once made. Few Years require but few Laws, and as his Age increases, when one Rule is by Practice well establish’d, you may add another.

§ 66. But pray remember, Children are not to be taught by Rules which will be always slipping out of their Memories. What you think necessary for them to do, settle in them by an indispensable Practice, as often as the Occasion returns; and if it be possible, make Occasions. This will beget Habits in them, which being once establish’d, operate of themselves easily and naturally, without the Assistance of the Memory. But here let me give two Cautions. 1. The one is, that you keep them to the Practice of what you would have grow into a Habit in them, by kind Words, and gentle Admonitions, rather as minding them of what they forget, than by harsh Rebukes and Chiding, as if they were wilfully guilty. 2. Another Thing you are to take Care of, is, not to endeavour to settle too many Habits at once, lest by Variety you confound them, and so perfect none. When constant Custom has made any one Thing easy and natural to ’em, and they practise it without Reflection, you may then go on to another.

This Method of teaching Children by a repeated Practice, and the same Action done over and over again, under the Eye and Direction of the Tutor, ’till they have got the Habit of doing it well, and not by relying on Rules trusted to their Memories, has so many Advantages, which Way soever we consider it, that I cannot but wonder (if ill Customs could be wonder’d at in any Thing) how it could possibly be so much neglected. I shall name one more that comes now in my Way. By this Method we shall see whether what is requir’d of him be adapted to his Capacity, and any Way suited to the Child’s natural Genius and Constitution; for that too must be consider’d in a right Education. We must not hope wholly to change their original Tempers, nor make the Gay pensive and grave, nor the Melancholy sportive, without spoiling them. God has stamp’d certain Characters upon Men’s Minds, which like their Shapes, may perhaps be a little mended, but can hardly be totally alter’d and transform’d into the contrary.

He therefore that is about Children should well study their Natures and Aptitudes, and see by often Trials what Turn they easily take, and what becomes them; observe what their native Stock is, how it may be improv’d, and what it is fit for: He should consider what they want, whether they be capable of having it wrought into them by Industry, and incorporated there by Practice; and whether it be worth while to endeavour it. For in many Cases, all that we can do, or should aim at, is, to make the best of what Nature has given, to prevent the Vices and Faults to which such a Constitution is most inclin’d, and give it all the Advantages it is capable of. Every one’s natural Genius should be carry’d as far as it could; but to attempt the putting another upon him, will be but Labour in vain; and what is so plaister’d on, will at best sit but untowardly, and have always hanging to it the Ungracefulness of Constraint and Affectation.

Affectation is not, I confess, an early Fault of Childhood, or the Product of untaught Nature. It is of that Sort of Weeds which grow not in the wild uncultivated Waste, but in Garden-Plots, under the negligent Hand or unskilful Care of a Gardener. Management and Instruction, and some Sense of the Necessity of Breeding, are requisite to make any one capable of Affectation, which endeavours to correct natural Defects, and has always the laudable Aim of Pleasing, though it always misses it; and the more it labours to put on Gracefulness, the farther it is from it. For this Reason, it is the more carefully to be watch’d, because it is the proper Fault of Education; a perverted Education indeed, but such as young People often fall into, either by their own Mistake, or the ill Conduct of those about them.

He that will examine wherein that Gracefulness lies, which always pleases, will find it arises from that natural Coherence which appears between the Thing done and such a Temper of Mind as cannot but be approv’d of as suitable to the Occasion. We cannot but be pleas’d with an humane, friendly, civil Temper, wherever we meet with it. A Mind free, and Master of itself and all its Actions, not low and narrow, not haughty and insolent, not blemish’d with any great Defect, is what every one is taken with. The Actions which naturally flow from such a well-form’d Mind, please us also, as the genuine Marks of it; and being as it were natural Emanations from the Spirit and Disposition within, cannot but be easy and unconstrain’d. This seems to me to be that Beauty which shines through some Men’s Actions, sets off all that they do, and takes all they come near; when by a constant Practice, they have fashion’d their Carriage, and made all those little Expressions of Civility and Respect, which Nature or Custom has establish’d in Conversation, so easy to themselves, that they seem not artificial or studied, but naturally to follow from a Sweetness of Mind and a well-turn’d Disposition.

On the other Side, Affectation is an awkward and forc’d Imitation of what should be genuine and easy, wanting the Beauty that accompanies what is natural; because there is always a Disagreement between the outward Action, and the Mind within, one of these two Ways: 1. Either when a Man would outwardly put on a Disposition of Mind, which then he really has not, but endeavours by a forc’d Carriage to make shew of; yet so, that the Constraint he is under discovers itself: And thus Men affect sometimes to appear sad, merry, or kind, when in truth they are not so.

2. The other is, when they do not endeavour to make shew of Dispositions of Mind, which they have not, but to express those they have by a Carriage not suited to them: And such in Conversation are all constrain’d Motions, Actions, Words, or Looks, which, though design’d to shew either their Respect or Civility to the Company, or their Satisfaction and Easiness in it, are not yet natural nor genuine Marks of the one or the other, but rather of some Defect or Mistake within. Imitation of others, without discerning what is graceful in them, or what is peculiar to their Characters, often makes a great Part of this. But Affectation of all Kinds, whencesoever it proceeds, is always offensive; because we naturally hate whatever is counterfeit, and condemn those who have nothing better to recommend themselves by.

Plain and rough Nature, left to itself, is much better than an artificial Ungracefulness, and such study’d Ways of being illfashion’d. The Want of an Accomplishment, or some Defect in our Behaviour, coming short of the utmost Gracefulness, often escapes Observation and Censure. But Affectation in any Part of our Carriage is lighting up a Candle to our Defects, and never fails to make us be taken notice of, either as wanting Sense, or wanting Sincerity. This Governors ought the more diligently to look after, because, as I above observ’d, ’tis an acquir’d Ugliness, owing to mistaken Education, few being guilty of it but those who pretend to Breeding, and would not be thought ignorant of what is fashionable and becoming in Conversation; and, if I mistake not, it has often its Rise from the lazy Admonitions of those who give Rules, and propose Examples, without joining Practice with their Instructions and making their Pupils repeat the Action in their Sight, that they may correct what is indecent or constrain’d in it, till it be perfected into an habitual and becoming Easiness.

§ 67. Manners, as they call it, about which Children are so often perplex’d, and have so many goodly Exhortations made them by their wise Maids and Governesses, I think, are rather to be learnt by Example than Rules; and then Children, if kept out of ill Company, will take a Pride to behave themselves prettily, after the Fashion of others, perceiving themselves esteem’d and commended for it. But if by a little Negligence in this Part, the Boy should not pull off his Hat, nor make Legs very gracefully, a Dancing-master will cure that Defect, and wipe off all that Plainness of Nature, which the a-la-mode People call Clownishness. And since nothing appears to me to give Children so much becoming Confidence and Behaviour, and so to raise them to the Conversation of those above their Age, as Dancing, I think they should be taught to dance as soon as they are capable of learning it. For tho’ this consist only in outward Gracefulness of Motion, yet, I know not how, it gives Children manly Thoughts and Carriage, more than any thing. But otherwise, I would not have little Children much tormented about Punctilio’s or Niceties of Breeding.

Never trouble your self about those Faults in them, which you know Age will cure: And therefore want of well-fashion’d Civility in the Carriage, whilst Civility is not wanting in the Mind, (for there you must take care to plant it early) should be the Parents’ least Care, whilst they are young. If his tender Mind be fill’d with a Veneration for his Parents and Teachers, which consists in Love and Esteem, and a Fear to offend them; and with Respect and good Will to all People; that Respect will of itself teach those Ways of expressing it, which he observes most acceptable. Be sure to keep up in him the Principles of good Nature and Kindness; make them as habitual as you can, by Credit and Commendation, and the good Things accompanying that State: And when they have taken root in his Mind, and are settled there by a continued Practice, fear not, the Ornaments of Conversation, and the Outside of fashionable Manners, will come in their due Time; if when they are remov’d out of their Maid’s Care, they are put into the Hands of a well-bred Man to be their Governor.

Whilst they are very young, any Carelessness is to be borne with in Children, that carries not with it the Marks of Pride or ill Nature; but those, whenever they appear in any Action, are to be corrected immediately by the Ways above-mention’d. What I have said concerning Manners, I would not have so understood, as if I meant that those who have the Judgment to do it, should not gently fashion the Motions and Carriage of Children, when they are very young. It would be of great Advantage, if they had People about them from their being first able to go, that had the Skill, and would take the right Way to do it. That which I complain of, is the wrong Course that is usually taken in this Matter. Children, who were never taught any such Thing as Behaviour, are often (especially when Strangers are present) chid for having some way or other fail’d in good Manners, and have thereupon Reproofs and Precepts heap’d upon them, concerning putting off their Hats, or making of Legs, &c. Though in this, those concern’d pretend to correct the Child, yet in Truth, for the most Part, it is but to cover their own Shame; and they lay the Blame on the poor little Ones, sometimes passionately enough, to divert it from themselves, for fear the By-standers should impute to their Want of Care and Skill the Child’s ill Behaviour.

For, as for the Children themselves, they are never one jot better’d by such occasional Lectures. They at other Times should be shewn what to do, and by reiterated Actions be fashion’d beforehand into the Practice of what is fit and becoming, and not told and talk’d to do upon the Spot, of what they have never been accustom’d nor know how to do as they should. To hare and rate them thus at every turn, is not to teach them, but to vex and torment them to no purpose. They should be let alone, rather than chid for a Fault which is none of theirs, nor is in their Power to mend for speaking to. And it were much better their natural childish Negligence or Plainness should be left to the Care of riper Years, than that they should frequently have Rebukes misplac’d upon them, which neither do nor can give them graceful Motions. If their Minds are well-dispos’d, and principled with inward Civility, a great Part of the Roughness which sticks to the Outside for Want of better Teaching, Time and Observation will rub off, as they grow up, if they are bred in good Company; but if in ill, all the Rules in the World, all the Correction imaginable, will not be able to polish them. For you must take this for a certain Truth, that let them have what Instructions you will, and ever so learned Lectures of Breeding daily inculcated into them, that which will most influence their Carriage will be the Company they converse with, and the Fashion of those about them. Children (nay, and Men too) do most by Example. We are all a Sort of Camelions, that still take a Tincture from Things near us; nor is it to be wonder’d at in Children, who better understand what they see than what they hear.

§ 68. I mention’d above one great Mischief that came by Servants to Children, when by their Flatteries they take off the Edge and Force of the Parents’ Rebukes, and so lessen their Authority: And here is another great Inconvenience which Children receive from the ill Examples which they meet with amongst the meaner Servants.

They are wholly, if possible, to be kept from such Conversation; for the Contagion of these ill Precedents, both in Civility and Virtue, horribly infects Children, as often as they come within reach of it. They frequently learn from unbred or debauch’d Servants such Language, untowardly Tricks and Vices, as otherwise they possibly would be ignorant of all their Lives.

§ 69. ’Tis a hard Matter wholly to prevent this Mischief. You will have very good luck, if you never have a clownish or vicious Servant, and if from them your Children never get any Infection: But yet as much must be done towards it as can be, and the Children kept as much as may be in the Company of their Parents, and those to whose Care they are committed. To this Purpose, their being in their Presence should be made easy to them; they should be allow’d the Liberties and Freedoms suitable to their Ages, and not be held under unnecessary Restraints, when in their Parents’ or Governor’s Sight. If it be a Prison to them, ’tis no Wonder they should not like it. They must not be hinder’d from being Children, or from playing, or doing as Children, but from doing ill; all other Liberty is to be allow’d them. Next, to make them in love with the Company of their Parents, they should receive all their good Things there, and from their Hands. The Servants should be hinder’d from making court to them by giving them strong Drink, Wine, Fruit, Play-Things, and other such Matters, which may make them in love with their Conversation.

§ 70. Having nam’d Company, I am almost ready to throw away my Pen, and trouble you no farther on this Subject: For since that does more than all Precepts, Rules and Instructions, methinks ’tis almost wholly in vain to make a long Discourse of other Things, and to talk of that almost to no Purpose. For you will be ready to say, What shall I do with my Son? If I keep him always at home, he will be in danger to be my young Master; and if I send him abroad, how is it possible to keep him from the Contagion of Rudeness and Vice, which is every where so in Fashion? In my House he will perhaps be more innocent, but more ignorant too of the World; wanting there Change of Company, and being us’d constantly to the same Faces, he will, when he comes abroad, be a sheepish or conceited Creature.

I confess, both Sides have their inconveniences. Being abroad, ’tis true, will make him bolder, and better able to bustle and shift among Boys of his own Age; and the Emulation of School-Fellows often puts Life and Industry into young Lads. But till you can find a School, wherein it is possible for the Master to look after the Manners of his Scholars, and can shew as great Effects of his Care of forming their Minds to Virtue, and their Carriage to good Breeding, as of forming their Tongues to the learned Languages, you must confess, that you have a strange Value for Words, when preferring the Languages of the antient Greeks and Romans to that which made ’em such brave Men, you think it worth while to hazard your Son’s Innocence and Virtue for a little Greek and Latin. For, as for that Boldness and Spirit which Lads get amongst their Play-Fellows at School, it has ordinarily such a Mixture of Rudeness and ill-turn’d Confidence, that those misbecoming and disingenuous Ways of shifting in the World must be unlearnt, and all the Tincture wash’d out again, to make Way for better Principles, and such Manners as make a truly worthy Man. He that considers how diametrically opposite the Skill of living well, and managing, as a Man should do, his Affairs in the World, is to that Mal-pertness, Tricking, or Violence learnt amongst School-Boys, will think the Faults of a privater Education infinitely to be preferr’d to such Improvements, and will take Care to preserve his Child’s Innocence and Modesty at Home, as being nearer of Kin, and more in the Way of those Qualities which make an useful and able Man. Nor does any one find, or so much as suspect, that that Retirement and Bashfulness which their Daughters are brought up in, makes them less knowing, or less able Women. Conversation, when they come into the World, soon gives them a becoming Assurance; and whatsoever, beyond that, there is of rough and boisterous, may in Men be very well spar’d too; for Courage and Steadiness, as I take it, lie not in Roughness and ill Breeding.

Virtue is harder to be got, than a Knowledge of the World; and if lost in a young Man, is seldom recover’d. Sheepishness and Ignorance of the World, the Faults imputed to a private Education, are neither the necessary Consequences of being bred at Home, nor if they were, are they incurable Evils. Vice is the more stubborn, as well as the more dangerous Evil of the two; and therefore in the first Place to be fenced against. If that sheepish Softness which often enervates those who are bred like Fondlings at Home, be carefully to be avoided, it is principally so for Virtue’s sake; for fear lest such a yielding Temper should be too susceptible of vicious Impressions, and expose the Novice too easily to be corrupted. A young Man before he leaves the Shelter of his Father’s House, and the Guard of a Tutor, should be fortify’d with Resolution, and made acquainted with Men, to secure his Virtues, lest he should be led into some ruinous Course, or fatal Precipice, before he is sufficiently acquainted with the Dangers of Conversation, and has Steadiness enough not to yield to every Temptation. Were it not for this, a young Man’s Bashfulness and Ignorance in the World, would not so much need an early Care. Conversation would cure it in a great Measure; or if that will not do it early enough, it is only a stronger Reason for a good Tutor at Home. For if Pains be to be taken to give him a manly Air and Assurance betimes, it is chiefly as a Fence to his Virtue when he goes into the World under his own Conduct.

It is preposterous therefore to sacrifice his Innocency to the attaining of Confidence and some little Skill of bustling for himself among others, by his Conversation with illbred and vicious Boys; when the chief Use of that Sturdiness, and standing upon his own Legs, is only for the Preservation of his Virtue. For if Confidence or Cunning come once to mix with Vice, and support his Miscarriages, he is only the surer lost; and you must undo again, and strip him of that he has got from his Companions, or give him up to Ruin. Boys will unavoidably be taught Assurance by Conversation with Men, when they are brought into it; and that is Time enough. Modesty and Submission, till then, better fits them for Instruction; and therefore there needs not any great Care to stock them with Confidence beforehand. That which requires most Time, Pains, and Assiduity, is, to work into them the Principles and Practice of Virtue and good Breeding. This is the Seasoning they should be prepar’d with, so as not easily to be got out again. This they had need to be well provided with; for Conversation, when they come into the World, will add to their Knowledge and Assurance, but be too apt to take from their Virtue; which therefore they ought to be plentifully stor’d with, and have that Tincture sunk deep into them.

How they should be fitted for Conversation, and enter’d into the World, when they are ripe for it, we shall consider in another Place. But how any one’s being put into a mix’d Herd of unruly Boys, and there learning to wrangle at Trap, or rook at Span-farthing, fits him for civil Conversation or Business, I do not see. And what Qualities are ordinarily to be got from such a Troop of Play-Fellows as Schools usually assemble together from Parents of all Kinds, that a Father should so much covet, is hard to divine. I am sure, he who is able to be at the Charge of a Tutor at Home, may there give his Son a more genteel Carriage, more manly Thoughts, and a Sense of what is worthy and becoming, with a greater Proficiency in Learning into the Bargain, and ripen him up sooner into a Man, than any at School can do. Not that I blame the Schoolmaster in this, or think it to be laid to his Charge. The Difference is great between two or three Pupils in the same House, and three or four Score Boys lodg’d up and down: For let the Master’s Industry and Skill be never so great, it is impossible he should have fifty or an hundred Scholars under his Eye, any longer than they are in the School together: Nor can it be expected, that he should instruct them successfully in any thing but their Books; the forming of their Minds and Manners requiring a constant Attention, and particular Application to every single Boy, which is impossible in a numerous Flock, and would be wholly in vain (could he have Time to study and correct every one’s particular Defects and wrong Inclinations) when the Lad was to be left to himself, or the prevailing Infection of his Fellows, the greatest Part of the four and twenty Hours.

But Fathers, observing that Fortune is often most successfully courted by bold and bustling Men, are glad to see their Sons pert and forward betimes; take it for an happy Omen that they will be thriving Men, and look on the Tricks they play their School-Fellows, or learn from them, as a Proficiency in the Art of Living, and making their Way through the World. But I must take the Liberty to say, that he that lays the Foundation of his Son’s Fortune in Virtue and good Breeding, takes the only sure and warrantable Way. And ’tis not the Waggeries or Cheats practis’d amongst School-Boys, ’tis not their Roughness one to another, nor the well-laid Plots of robbing an Orchard together, that make an able Man; but the Principles of Justice, Generosity, and Sobriety, join’d with Observation and Industry, Qualities which I judge School-Boys do not learn much of one another. And if a young Gentleman bred at Home, be not taught more of them than he could learn at School, his Father has made a very ill Choice of a Tutor. Take a Boy from the Top of a Grammar-School, and one of the same Age bred as he should be in his Father’s Family, and bring them into good Company together, and then see which of the two will have the more manly Carriage, and address himself with the more becoming Assurance to Strangers. Here I imagine the School-Boy’s Confidence will either fail or discredit him; and if it be such as fits him only for the Conversation of Boys, he were better to be without it.

Vice, if we may believe the general Complaint, ripens so fast now-a-days, and runs up to Seed so early in young People, that it is impossible to keep a Lad from the spreading Contagion, if you will venture him abroad in the Herd, and trust to Chance or his own Inclination for the Choice of his Company at School. By what Fate Vice has so thriven amongst us these Years past, and by what Hands it has been nurs’d up into so uncontroul’d a Dominion, I shall leave to others to enquire. I wish that those who complain of the great decay of Christian Piety and Virtue every where, and of Learning and acquir’d Improvements in the Gentry of this Generation, would consider how to retrieve them in the next. This I am sure, that if the Foundation of it be not laid in the Education and Principling of the Youth, all other Endeavours will be in vain. And if the Innocence, Sobriety, and Industry of those who are coming up, be not taken care of and preserv’d, ’twill be ridiculous to expect, that those who are to succeed next on the Stage, should abound in that Virtue, Ability, and Learning, which has hitherto made England considerable in the World. I was going to add Courage too, though it has been look’d on as the natural Inheritance of Englishmen. What has been talk’d of some late Actions at Sea, of a Kind unknown to our Ancestors, gives me Occasion to say, that Debauchery sinks the Courage of Men; and when Dissoluteness has eaten out the Sense of true Honour, Bravery seldom stays long after it. And I think it impossible to find an Instance of any Nation, however renown’d for their Valour, who ever kept their Credit in Arms, or made themselves redoubtable amongst their Neighbours, after Corruption had once broke through and dissolv’d the Restraint of Discipline, and Vice was grown to such an Head, that it durst shew itself barefac’d without being out of Countenance. ’Tis Virtue then, direct Virtue, which is the hard and valuable Part to be aim’d at in Education, and not a forward Pertness, or any little Arts of Shifting. All other Considerations and Accomplishments should give way and be postpon’d to this. This is the solid and substantial Good which Tutors should not only read Lectures, and talk of, but the Labour and Art of Education should furnish the Mind with, and fasten there, and never cease till the young Man had a true Relish of it, and plac’d his Strength, his Glory, and his Pleasure in it.

The more this advances, the easier Way will be made for other Accomplishments in their Turns. For he that is brought to submit to Virtue, will not be refractory, or resty, in any Thing that becomes him; and therefore I cannot but prefer breeding of a young Gentleman at home in his Father’s Sight, under a good Governour, as much the best and safest Way to this great and main End of Education, when it can be had, and is order’d as it should be. Gentlemen’s Houses are seldom without Variety of Company: They should use their Sons to all the strange Faces that come there, and engage them in Conversation with Men of Parts and Breeding, as soon as they are capable of it. And why those who live in the Country should not take them with them, when they make Visits of Civility to their Neighbours, I know not. This I am sure, a Father that breeds his Son at home, has the Opportunity to have him more in his own Company, and there give him what Encouragement he thinks fit, and can keep him better from the Taint of Servants and the meaner Sort of People, than is possible to be done abroad. But what shall be resolv’d in the Case, must in great Measure be left to the Parents, to be determin’d by their Circumstances and Conveniences; only I think it the worst sort of good Husbandry for a Father not to strain himself a little for his Son’s Breeding; which, let his Condition be what it will, is the best Portion he can leave him. But if, after all, it shall be thought by some, that the Breeding at Home has too little Company, and that at ordinary Schools, not such as it should be for a young Gentleman, I think there might be Ways found out to avoid the Inconveniences on the one Side and the other.

§ 71. Having under Consideration how great the Influence of Company is, and how prone we are all, especially Children, to Imitation; I must here take the Liberty to mind Parents of this one Thing, viz. That he that will have his Son have a Respect for him and his Orders, must himself have a great Reverence for his Son. Maxima debetur Pueris reverentia. You must do nothing before him, which you would not have him imitate. If any Thing escape you, which you would have pass for a Fault in him, he will be sure to shelter himself under your Example, and shelter himself so as that it will not be easy to come at him, to correct it in him the right Way. If you punish him for what he sees you practise yourself, he will not think that Severity to proceed from Kindness in you, careful to amend a Fault in him; but will be apt to interpret it the Peevishness and arbitrary Imperiousness of a Father, who, without any Ground for it, would deny his Son the Liberty and Pleasures he takes himself. Or if you assume to yourself the Liberty you have taken, as a Privilege belonging to riper Years, to which a Child must not aspire, you do but add new force to your Example, and recommend the Action the more powerfully to him. For you must always remember, that Children affect to be Men earlier than is thought; and they love Breeches, not for their Cut or Ease, but because the having them is a Mark or Step towards Manhood. What I say of the Father’s Carriage before his Children, must extend itself to all those who have any Authority over them, or for whom he would have them have any Respect.

§ 72. But to return to the Business of Rewards and Punishments. All the Actions of Childishness, and unfashionable Carriage, and whatever Time and Age will of itself be sure to reform, being (as I have said) exempt from the Discipline of the Rod, there will not be so much need of beating Children as is generally made use of. To which if we add learning to read, write, dance, foreign Language, &c. as under the same Privilege, there will be but very rarely an Occasion for Blows or Force in an ingenuous Education. The right Way to teach them those Things, is, to give them a Liking and Inclination to what you propose to them to be learn’d, and that will engage their Industry and Application. This I think no hard Matter to do, if Children be handled as they should be, and the Rewards and Punishments above-mention’d be carefully apply’d, and with them these few Rules observ’d in the Method of instructing them.

§ 73. 1. None of the Things they are to learn, should ever be made a Burthen to them, or impos’d on them as a Task. Whatever is so propos’d, presently becomes irksome; the Mind takes an Aversion to it, though before it were a Thing of Delight or Indifferency. Let a Child but be order’d to whip his Top at a certain Time every Day, whether he has or has not a Mind to it; let this be but requir’d of him as a Duty, wherein he must spend so many Hours Morning and Afternoon, and see whether he will not soon be weary of any Play at this Rate. Is it not so with grown Men? What they do chearfully of themselves, do they not presently grow sick of, and can no more endure, as soon as they find it is expected of them as a Duty? Children have as much a Mind to shew that they are free, that their own good Actions come from themselves, that they are absolute and independent, as any of the proudest of you grown Men, think of them as you please.

§ 74. 2. As a Consequence of this, they should seldom be put about doing even those Things you have got an Inclination in them to, but when they have a Mind and Disposition to it. He that loves Reading, Writing, Musick, &c. finds yet in himself certain Seasons wherein those Things have no Relish to him; and if at that Time he forces himself to it, he only pothers and wearies himself to no purpose. So it is with Children. This Change of Temper should be carefully observ’d in them, and the favourable Seasons of Aptitude and Inclination be heedfully laid hold of: And if they are not often enough forward of themselves, a good Disposition should be talk’d into them, before they be set upon any thing. This I think no hard Matter for a discreet Tutor to do, who has study’d his Pupil’s Temper, and will be at a little Pains to fill his Head with suitable Ideas, such as may make him in Love with the present Business. By this Means a great deal of Time and Tiring would be sav’d: For a Child will learn three times as much when he is in Tune, as he will with double the Time and Pains when he goes awkwardly or is dragg’d unwillingly to it. If this were minded as it should, Children might be permitted to weary themselves with Play, and yet have Time enough to learn what is suited to the Capacity of each Age. But no such Thing is consider’d in the ordinary Way of Education, nor can it well be. That rough Discipline of the Rod is built upon other Principles, has no Attraction in it, regards not what Humour Children are in, nor looks after favourable Seasons of Inclination. And indeed it would be ridiculous, when Compulsion and Blows have rais’d an Aversion in the Child to his Task, to expect he should freely of his own accord leave his Play, and with Pleasure court the Occasions of Learning; whereas, were Matters order’d right, learning anything they should be taught might be made as much a Recreation to their Play, as their Play is to their Learning. The Pains are equal on both Sides. Nor is it that which troubles them; for they love to be busy, and the Change and Variety is that which naturally delights them. The only Odds is, in that which we call Play they act at Liberty, and employ their Pains (whereof you may observe them never sparing) freely; but what they are to learn is forc’d upon them, they are call’d, compell’d, and driven to it. This is that, that at first Entrance balks and cools them; they want their Liberty. Get them but to ask their Tutor to teach them, as they do often their Play-Fellows, instead of his calling upon them to learn, and they being satisfy’d that they act as freely in this as they do in other Things, they will go on with as much Pleasure in it, and it will not differ from their other Sports and Play. By these Ways, carefully pursu’d, a Child may be brought to desire to be taught any thing you have a Mind he should learn. The hardest Part, I confess, is with the first or eldest; but when once he is set right, it is easy by him to lead the rest whither one will.

§ 75. Though it be past doubt, that the fittest Time for Children to learn any Thing, is, when their Minds are in Tune, and well dispos’d to it; when neither Flagging of Spirit, nor Intentness of Thought upon something else, makes them awkward and averse; yet two Things are to be taken care of: 1. That these Seasons either not being warily observ’d, and laid hold on as often as they return, or else, not returning as often as they should, the Improvement of the Child be not thereby neglected, and so he be let grow into an habitual Idleness, and confirm’d in this Indisposition: 2. That though other Things are ill learn’d, when the Mind is either indispos’d, or otherwise taken up; yet it is of great Moment, and worth our Endeavours, to teach the Mind to get the Mastery over itself, and to be able, upon Choice, to take itself off from the hot Pursuit of one Thing, and set itself upon another with Facility and Delight, or at any Time to shake off its Sluggishness, and vigorously employ itself about what Reason, or the Advice of another shall direct. This is to be done in Children, by trying them sometimes, when they are by Laziness unbent, or by Avocation bent another Way, and endeavouring to make them buckle to the Thing propos’d. If by this Means the Mind can get an habitual Dominion over itself, lay by Ideas or Business as Occasion requires, and betake itself to new and less acceptable Employments without Reluctancy or Discomposure, it will be an Advantage of more Consequence than Latin or Logick or most of those Things Children are usually requir’d to learn.

§ 76. Children being more active and busy in that Age, than in any other Part of their Life, and being indifferent to any Thing they can do, so they may be but doing, Dancing and Scotch-hoppers would be the same Thing to them, were the Encouragements and Discouragements equal. But to Things we would have them learn, the great and only Discouragement I can observe, is, that they are call’d to it, ’tis made their Business, they are teaz’d and chid about it, and do it with Trembling and Apprehension; or, when they come willingly to it, are kept too long at it, till they are quite tir’d: All which intrenches too much on that natural Freedom they extremely affect. And it is that Liberty alone which gives the true Relish and Delight to their ordinary Play-Games. Turn the Tables, and you will find they will soon change their Application; especially if they see the Examples of others whom they esteem and think above themselves. And if the Things which they observe others to do, be order’d so, that they insinuate themselves into them as the Privilege of an Age or Condition above theirs; then Ambition, and the Desire still to get forward and higher, and to be like those above them, will set them on work, and make them go on with Vigour and Pleasure; Pleasure in what they have begun by their own Desire, in which Way the Enjoyment of their dearly beloved Freedom will be no small Encouragement to them. To all which, if there be added the Satisfaction of Credit and Reputation, I am apt to think there will need no other Spur to excite their Application and Assiduity, as much as is necessary. I confess, there needs Patience and Skill, Gentleness and Attention, and a prudent Conduct to attain this at first. But why have you a Tutor, if there needed no Pains? But when this is once establish’d, all the rest will follow, more easily than in any more severe and imperious Discipline. And I think it no hard Matter to gain this Point; I am sure it will not be, where Children have no ill Examples set before them. The great Danger therefore, I apprehend, is only from Servants, and other ill-order’d Children, or such other vicious or foolish People, who spoil Children both by the ill Pattern they set before them in their own ill Manners, and by giving them together the two Things they should never have at once; I mean vicious Pleasures and Commendation.

§ 77. As Children should very seldom be corrected by Blows, so I think frequent, and especially passionate Chiding of almost as ill Consequence. It lessens the Authority of the Parents, and the Respect of the Child; for I bid you still remember, they distinguish early betwixt Passion and Reason: And as they cannot but have a Reverence for what comes from the latter, so they quickly grow into a Contempt of the former; or if it causes a present Terror, yet it soon wears off, and natural Inclination will easily learn to slight such Scare-crows which make a Noise, but are not animated by Reason. Children being to be restrain’d by the Parents only in vicious (which, in their tender Years, are only a few) Things, a Look or Nod only ought to correct them when they do amiss; or, if Words are sometimes to be us’d, they ought to be grave, kind, and sober, representing the ill or Unbecomingness of the Faults, rather than a hasty Rating of the Child for it; which makes him not sufficiently distinguish, whether your Dislike be not more directed to him than his Fault. Passionate Chiding usually carries rough and ill Language with it, which has this farther ill Effect, that it teaches and justifies it in Children: And the Names that their Parents or Præceptors give them, they will not be asham’d or backward to bestow on others, having so good Authority for the Use of them.

§ 78. I forsee here it will be objected to me, What then, will you have Children never beaten nor chid for any Fault? This will be to let loose the Reins to all Kind of Disorder. Not so much, as is imagin’d, if a right Course has been taken in the first Seasoning of their Minds, and implanting that Awe of their Parents above-mentioned. For Beating, by constant Observation, is found to do little good, where the Smart of it is all the Punishment is fear’d or felt in it; for the Influence of that quickly wears out, with the Memory of it. But yet there is one, and but one Fault, for which, I think Children should be beaten, and that is, Obstinacy or Rebellion. And in this too, I would have it order’d so, if it can be, that the Shame of the Whipping, and not the Pain, should be the greatest Part of the Punishment. Shame of doing amiss, and deserving Chastisement, is the only true Restraint belonging to Virtue. The Smart of the Rod, if Shame accompanies it not, soon ceases, and is forgotten, and will quickly by Use lose its Terror. I have known the Children of a Person of Quality kept in Awe by the Fear of having their Shoes pull’d off, as much as others by Apprehensions of a Rod hanging over them. Some such Punishment I think better than Beating; for ’tis Shame of the Fault, and the Disgrace that attends it, that they should stand in Fear of, rather than Pain, if you would have them have a Temper truly ingenuous. But Stubbornness, and an obstinate Disobedience, must be master’d with Force and Blows; for this there is no other Remedy. Whatever particular Action you bid him do, or forbear, you must be sure to see your self obey’d; no Quarter in this Case, no Resistance: For when once it comes to be a Trial of Skill, a Contest for Mastery betwixt you, as it is if you command and he refuses, you must be sure to carry it, whatever Blows it costs, if a Nod or Words will not prevail; unless, for ever after, you intend to live in Obedience to your Son. A prudent and kind Mother of my Acquaintance, was, on such an Occasion, forc’d to whip her little Daughter, at her first coming home from Nurse, eight Times successively the same Morning, before she could master her Stubbornness, and obtain a Compliance in a very easy and indifferent Matter. If she had left off sooner, and stopp’d at the seventh Whipping, she had spoil’d the Child for ever, and, by her unprevailing Blows, only confirm’d her Refractoriness, very hardly afterwards to be cur’d: But wisely persisting till she had bent her Mind, and suppled her Will, the only End of Correction and Chastisement, she establish’d her Authority thoroughly in the very first Occasions, and had ever after a very ready Compliance and Obedience in all Things from her Daughter; for as this was the first Time, so I think it was the last too she ever struck her.

The Pain of the Rod, the first Occasion that requires it, continu’d and increas’d, without leaving off till it has throughly prevail’d, should first bend the Mind, and settle the Parent’s Authority; and then Gravity, mix’d with Kindness, should for ever after keep it.

This, if well reflected on, would make People more wary in the Use of the Rod and the Cudgel, and keep them from being so apt to think Beating the safe and universal Remedy to be apply’d at random on all Occasions. This is certain, however, if it does no Good, it does great Harm; if it reaches not the Mind, and makes not the Will supple, it hardens the Offender; and whatever Pain he has suffer’d for it, it does but endear him to his beloved Stubbornness, which has got him this Time the Victory, and prepares him to contest, and hope for it for the future. Thus I doubt not but by ill-order’d Correction many have been taught to be obstinate and refractory who otherwise would have been very pliant and tractable. For if you punish a Child so, as if it were only to revenge the past Fault, which has rais’d your Choler, what Operation can this have upon his Mind, which is the Part to be amended? If there were no sturdy Humour or Wilfulness mix’d with his Fault, there was nothing in it that requir’d the Severity of Blows. A kind or grave Admonition is enough to remedy the Slips of Frailty, Forgetfulness, or Inadvertency, and is as much as they will stand in need of. But if there were a Perverseness in the Will, if it were a design’d, resolv’d Disobedience, the Punishment is not to be measur’d by the Greatness or Smallness of the Matter wherein it appear’d, but by the Opposition it carries, and stands in, to that Respect and Submission is due to the Father’s Orders; which must always be rigorously exacted, and the Blows by Pauses laid on, till they reach the Mind, and you perceive the Signs of a true Sorrow, Shame, and Purpose of Obedience.

This, I confess, requires something more than setting Children a Task, and whipping them without any more ado if it be not done, and done to our Fancy. This requires Care, Attention, Observation, and a nice Study of Children’s Tempers, and weighing their Faults well, before we come to this Sort of Punishment. But is not that better than always to have the Rod in Hand as the only Instrument of Government? And by frequent Use of it on all Occasions, misapply and render inefficacious this last and useful Remedy, where there is need of it? For what else can be expected, when it is promiscuously us’d upon every little Slip? When a Mistake in Concordance, or a wrong Position in Verse, shall have the Severity of the Lash, in a well-temper’d and industrious Lad, as surely as a wilful Crime in an obstinate and perverse Offender; how can such a Way of Correction be expected to do Good on the Mind, and set that right? Which is the only Thing to be look’d after; and when set Right, brings all the rest that you can desire along with it.

§ 79. Where a wrong Bent of the Will wants not Amendment, there can be no need of Blows. All other Faults, where the Mind is rightly dispos’d, and refuses not the Government and Authority of the Father or Tutor, are but Mistakes, and may often be overlook’d; or when they are taken Notice of, need no other but the gentle Remedies of Advice, Direction, and Reproof, till the repeated and wilful Neglect of those, shews the Fault to be in the Mind, and that a manifest Perverseness of the Will lies at the Root of their Disobedience. But whenever Obstinacy, which is an open Defiance, appears, that cannot be wink’d at or neglected, but must, in the first Instance, be subdu’d and master’d; only Care must be had, that we mistake not, and we must be sure it is Obstinacy and nothing else.

§ 80. But since the Occasions of Punishment, especially Beating, are as much to be avoided as may be, I think it should not be often brought to this Point. If the Awe I spoke of be once got, a Look will be sufficient in most Cases. Nor indeed should the same Carriage, Seriousness, or Application be expected from young Children as from those of riper Growth. They must be permitted, as I said, the foolish and childish Actions suitable to their Years, without taking Notice of them. Inadvertency, Carelessness, and Gayety, is the Character of that Age. I think the Severity I spoke of is not to extend itself to such unseasonable Restraints. Nor is that hastily to be interpreted Obstinacy or Wilfulness, which is the natural Product of their Age or Temper. In such Miscarriages they are to be assisted, and help’d towards an Amendment, as weak People under a natural Infirmity; which, though they are warn’d of, yet every Relapse must not be counted a perfect Neglect, and they presently treated as obstinate. Faults of Frailty, as they should never be neglected, or let pass without minding, so, unless the Will mix with them, they should never be exaggerated, or very sharply reprov’d; but with a gentle Hand set right, as Time and Age permit. By this Means, Children will come to see what ’tis in any Miscarriage that is chiefly offensive, and so learn to avoid it. This will encourage them to keep their Wills right; which is the great Business, when they find that it preserves them from any great Displeasure, and that in all their other Failings they meet with the kind Concern and Help, rather than the Anger and passionate Reproaches of their Tutor and Parents. Keep them from Vice and vicious Dispositions, and such a Kind of Behaviour in general will come with every degree of their Age, as is suitable to that Age and the Company they ordinarily converse with; and as they grow in Years, they will grow in Attention and Application. But that your Words may always carry Weight and Authority with them, if it shall happen, upon any Occasion, that you bid him leave off the doing of any even childish Things, you must be sure to carry the Point, and not let him have the Mastery. But yet, I say, I would have the Father seldom interpose his Authority and Command in these Cases, or in any other, but such as have a Tendency to vicious Habits. I think there are better Ways of prevailing with them: And a gentle Persuasion in Reasoning, (when the first Point of Submission to your Will is got) will most Times do much better.

§ 81. It will perhaps be wonder’d, that I mention Reasoning with Children; and yet I cannot but think that the true Way of dealing with them. They understand it as early as they do Language; and, if I misobserve not, they love to be treated as rational Creatures, sooner than is imagin’d. ’Tis a Pride should be cherish’d in them, and, as much as can be, made the greatest Instrument to turn them by.

But when I talk of Reasoning, I do not intend any other but such as is suited to the Child’s Capacity and Apprehension. No body can think a Boy of three or seven Years old should be argu’d with as a grown Man. Long Discourses, and Philosophical Reasonings, at best, amaze and confound, but do not instruct Children. When I say, therefore, that they must be treated as rational Creatures, I mean, that you should make them sensible, by the Mildness of your Carriage, and the Composure even in your Correction of them, that what you do is reasonable in you, and useful and necessary for them; and that it is not out of Caprichio, Passion or Fancy, that you command or forbid them any thing. This they are capable of understanding; and there is no Virtue they should be excited to, nor Fault they should be kept from, which I do not think they may be convinced of; but it must be by such Reasons as their Age and Understanding are capable of, and those propos’d always in very few and plain Words. The Foundations on which several Duties are built, and the Fountains of Right and Wrong from which they spring, are not perhaps easily to be let into the Minds of grown Men, not us’d to abstract their Thoughts from common receiv’d Opinions. Much less are Children capable of Reasonings from remote Principles. They cannot conceive the Force of long Deductions. The Reasons that move them must be obvious, and level to their Thoughts, and such as may (if I may so say) be felt and touch’d. But yet, if their Age, Temper, and Inclination be consider’d, there will never want such Motives as may be sufficient to convince them. If there be no other more particular, yet these will always be intelligible, and of Force, to deter them from any Fault fit to be taken Notice of in them, (viz.) That it will be a Discredit and Disgrace to them, and displease you.

§ 82. But of all the Ways whereby Children are to be instructed, and their Manners formed, the plainest, easiest, and most efficacious, is, to set before their Eyes the Examples of those Things you would have them do, or avoid; which, when they are pointed out to them, in the Practice of Persons within their Knowledge, with some Reflections on their Beauty and Unbecomingness, are of more Force to draw or deter their Imitation, than any Discourses which can be made to them. Virtues and Vices can by no Words be so plainly set before their Understandings as the Actions of other Men will shew them, when you direct their Observation, and bid them view this or that good or bad Quality in their Practice. And the Beauty or Uncomeliness of many Things, in good and ill Breeding, will be better learnt, and make deeper Impressions on them, in the Examples of others, than from any Rules or Instructions can be given about them.

This is a Method to be us’d, not only whilst they are young, but to be continu’d even as long as they shall be under another’s Tuition or Conduct; nay, I know not whether it be not the best Way to be us’d by a Father, as long as he shall think fit, on any Occasion, to reform any Thing he wishes mended in his Son; nothing sinking so gently, and so deep, into Men’s Minds, as Example. And what ill they either overlook or indulge in themselves, they cannot but dislike and be asham’d of, when it is set before them in another.

§ 83. It may be doubted, concerning Whipping, when, as the last Remedy, it comes to be necessary, at what Times, and by whom it should be done; whether presently upon the committing the Fault, whilst it is yet fresh and hot; and whether Parents themselves should beat their Children. As to the first, I think it should not be done presently, lest Passion mingle with it; and so, though it exceed the just Proportion, yet it lose of its due Weight: For even Children discern when we do Things in Passion. But, as I said before, that has most Weight with them, that appears sedately to come from their Parents’ Reason; and they are not without this Distinction. Next, if you have any discreet Servant capable of it, and has the Place of governing your Child, (for if you have a Tutor, there is no Doubt) I think it is best the Smart should come immediately from another’s Hand, though by the Parent’s Order, who should see it done; whereby the Parent’s Authority will be preserv’d, and the Child’s Aversion, for the Pain it suffers, rather to be turn’d on the Person that immediately inflicts. For I would have a Father seldom strike his Child, but upon very urgent Necessity, and as the last Remedy; and then perhaps it will be fit to do it so that the Child should not quickly forget it.

§ 84. But, as I said before, Beating is the worst, and therefore the last Means to be us’d in the Correction of Children, and that only in Cases of Extremity, after all gentle Ways have been try’d, and prov’d unsuccessful; which, if well observ’d, there will be very seldom any Need of Blows. For, it not being to be imagin’d that a Child will often, if ever, dispute his Father’s present Command in any particular Instance, and the Father not interposing his absolute Authority, in peremptory Rules, concerning either childish or indifferent Actions, wherein his Son is to have his Liberty, or concerning his Learning or Improvement, wherein there is no Compulsion to be us’d: There remains only the Prohibition of some vicious Actions, wherein a Child is capable of Obstinacy, and consequently can deserve Beating; and so there will be but very few Occasions of that Discipline to be us’d by any one who considers well and orders his Child’s Education as it should be. For the first seven Years, what Vices can a Child be guilty of, but Lying, or some ill-natur’d Tricks; the repeated Commission whereof, after his Father’s direct Command against it, shall bring him into the Condemnation of Obstinacy, and the Chastisement of the Rod? If any vicious Inclination in him be, in the first Appearance and Instances of it, treated as it should be, first with your Wonder, and then, if returning again, a second Time discountenanc’d with the severe Brow of a Father, Tutor, and all about him, and a Treatment suitable to the State of Discredit before-mention’d; and this continu’d till he be made sensible and asham’d of his Fault, I imagine there will be no need of any other Correction, nor ever any Occasion to come to Blows. The Necessity of such Chastisement is usually the Consequence only of former Indulgences or Neglects: If vicious Inclinations were watch’d from the Beginning, and the first Irregularities which they cause, corrected by those gentler Ways, we should seldom have to do with more than one Disorder at once; which would be easily set right without any Stir or Noise, and not require so harsh a Discipline as Beating. Thus one by one, as they appear’d, they might all be weeded out, without any Signs or Memory that ever they had been there. But we letting their Faults (by indulging and humouring our little Ones) grow up, till they are sturdy and numerous, and the Deformity of them makes us asham’d and uneasy, we are fain to come to the Plough and the Harrow; the Spade and the Pick-Ax must go deep to come at the Roots; and all the Force, Skill, and Diligence we can use, is scarce enough to cleanse the vitiated Seed-Plat, overgrown with Weeds, and restore us the Hopes of Fruits, to reward our Pains in its Season.

§ 85. This Course, if observ’d, will spare both Father and Child the Trouble of repeated Injunctions, and multiply’d Rules of Doing and Forbearing. For I am of Opinion, that of those Actions which tend to vicious Habits, (which are those alone that a Father should interpose his Authority and Commands in) none should be forbidden Children till they are found guilty of them. For such untimely Prohibitions, if they do nothing worse, do at least so much towards teaching and allowing ’em, that they suppose that Children may be guilty of them, who would possibly be safer in the Ignorance of any such Faults. And the best Remedy to stop them, is, as I have said, to shew Wonder and Amazement at any such Action as hath a vicious Tendency, when it is first taken Notice of in a Child. For Example, when he is first found in a Lie, or any ill-natur’d Trick, the first Remedy should be, to talk to him of it as a strange monstrous Matter, that it could not be imagin’d he would have done, and so shame him out of it.

§ 86. It will be (’tis like) objected, that whatsoever I fancy of the Tractableness of Children, and the Prevalency of those softer Ways of Shame and Commendation; yet there are many who will never apply themselves to their Books, and to what they ought to learn, unless they are scourg’d to it. This, I fear, is nothing but the Language of ordinary Schools and Fashion, which have never suffer’d the other to be try’d as it should be, in Places where it could be taken Notice of. Why, else, does the learning of Latin and Greek need the Rod, when French and Italian need it not? Children learn to dance and Fence without Whipping; nay, Arithmetick, Drawing, &c. they apply themselves well enough to without Beating: Which would make one suspect, that there is something strange, unnatural, and disagreeable to that Age, in the Things required in Grammar-Schools, or in the Methods us’d there, that Children cannot be brought to, without the Severity of the Lash, and hardly with that too; or else, that it is a Mistake, that those Tongues could not be taught them without Beating.

§ 87. But let us suppose some so negligent or idle, that they will not be brought to learn by the gentle Ways propos’d, (for we must grant, that there will be Children found of all Tempers,) yet it does not thence follow, that the rough Discipline of the Cudgel is to be us’d to all. Nor can any one be concluded unmanageable by the milder Methods of Government, till they have been throughly try’d upon him; and if they will not prevail with him to use his Endeavours, and do what is in his Power to do, we make no Excuses for the Obstinate. Blows are the proper Remedies for those; but Blows laid on in a Way different from the ordinary. He that wilfully neglects his Book, and stubbornly refuses any thing he can do, requir’d of him by his Father, expressing himself in a positive serious Command, should not be corrected with two or three angry Lashes, for not performing his Task, and the same Punishment repeated again and again upon every the like Default; but when it is brought to that pass, that Wilfulness evidently shews itself, and makes Blows necessary, I think the Chastisement should be a little more sedate, and a little more severe, and the Whipping (mingled with Admonition between) so continu’d, till the Impressions of it on the Mind were found legible in the Face, Voice, and Submission of the Child, not so sensible of the Smart as of the Fault he has been guilty of, and melting in true Sorrow under it. If such a Correction as this, try’d some few Times at fit Distances, and carry’d to the utmost Severity, with the visible Displeasure of the Father all the while, will not work the Effect, turn the Mind, and produce a future Compliance, what can be hop’d from Blows, and to what Purpose should they be any more us’d? Beating, when you can expect no Good from it, will look more like the Fury of an enrag’d Enemy, than the Good-Will of a compassionate Friend; and such Chastisement carries with it only Provocation, without any Prospect of Amendment. If it be any Father’s Misfortune to have a Son thus perverse and untractable, I know not what more he can do but pray for him. But, I imagine, if a right Course be taken with Children from the Beginning, very few will be found to be such; and when there are any such Instances, they are not to be the Rule for the Education of those who are better natur’d, and may be manag’d with better Usage.