§§ 95–133. Managing the Child: Tempers and Faults

§ 95. But to return to our Method again. Though I have mention’d the Severity of the Father’s Brow, and the Awe settled thereby in the Mind of Children when young, as one main Instrument whereby their Education is to be manag’d; yet I am far from being of an Opinion that it should be continu’d all along to them, whilst they are under the Discipline and Government of Pupilage; I think it should be relax’d, as fast as their Age, Discretion and good Behaviour could allow it; even to that Degree, that a Father will do well, as his Son grows up, and is capable of it, to talk familiarly with him; nay, ask his Advice, and consult with him about those Things wherein he has any Knowledge or Understanding. By this, the Father will gain two Things, both of great Moment. The one is, that it will put serious Considerations into his Son’s Thoughts, better than any Rules or Advices he can give him. The sooner you treat him as a Man, the sooner he will begin to be one: And if you admit him into serious Discourses sometimes with you, you will insensibly raise his Mind above the usual Amusements of Youth, and those trifling Occupations which it is commonly wasted in. For it is easy to observe, that many young Men continue longer in the Thought and Conversation of School-Boys than otherwise they would, because their Parents keep them at that Distance, and in that low Rank, by all their Carriage to them.

§ 96. Another Thing of greater Consequence, which you will obtain by such a Way of treating him, will be his Friendship. Many Fathers, though they proportion to their Sons liberal Allowances, according to their Age and Condition, yet they keep the Knowledge of their Estates and Concerns from them with as much Reservedness as if they were guarding a Secret of State from a Spy or an Enemy. This, if it looks not like Jealousy, yet it wants those Marks of Kindness and Intimacy which a Father should shew to his Son, and no doubt often hinders or abates that Chearfulness and Satisfaction wherewith a Son should address himself to, and rely upon his Father. And I cannot but often wonder to see Fathers who love their Sons very well, yet so order the Matter by a constant Stiffness and a Mien of Authority and Distance to them all their Lives, as if they were never to enjoy, or have any Comfort from those they love best in the World, till they had lost them by being remov’d into another. Nothing cements and establishes Friendship and Good-will so much as confident Communication of Concernments and Affairs. Other Kindnesses, without this, leave still some Doubts: But when your Son sees you open your Mind to him, when he finds that you interest him in your Affairs, as Things you are willing should in their Turn come into his Hands, he will be concern’d for them as for his own, wait his Season with Patience, and love you in the mean Time, who keep him not at the Distance of a Stranger. This will also make him see, that the Enjoyment you have, is not without Care; which the more he is sensible of, the less will he envy you the Possession, and the more think himself happy under the Management of so favourable a Friend and so careful a Father. There is scarce any young Man of so little Thought, or so void of Sense, that would not be glad of a sure Friend, that he might have Recourse to, and freely consult on Occasion. The Reservedness and Distance that Fathers keep, often deprive their Sons of that Refuge which would be of more Advantage to them than an hundred Rebukes and Chidings. Would your Son engage in some Frolick, or take a Vagary, were it not much better he should do it with, than without your Knowledge? For since Allowances for such Things must be made to young Men, the more you know of his Intrigues and Designs, the better will you be able to prevent great Mischiefs; and by letting him see what is like to follow, take the right way of prevailing with him to avoid less Inconveniences. Would you have him open his Heart to you, and ask your Advice? you must begin to do so with him first, and by your Carriage beget that Confidence.

§ 97. But whatever he consults you about, unless it lead to some fatal and irremediable Mischief, be sure you advise only as a Friend of more Experience; but with your Advice mingle nothing of Command or Authority, nor more than you would to your Equal or a Stranger. That would be to drive him for ever from any farther demanding, or receiving Advantage from your Counsel. You must consider that he is a young Man, and has Pleasures and Fancies which you are pass’d. You must not expect his Inclination should be just as yours, nor that at twenty he should have the same Thoughts you have at fifty. All that you can wish, is, that since Youth must have some Liberty, some Outleaps, they might be with the Ingenuity of a Son, and under the Eye of a Father, and then no very great Harm can come of it. The Way to obtain this, as I said before, is (according as you find him capable) to talk with him about your Affairs, propose Matters to him familiarly, and ask his Advice; and when he ever lights on the right, follow it as his; and if it succeed well, let him have the Commendation. This will not at all lessen your Authority, but increase his Love and Esteem of you. Whilst you keep your Estate, the Staff will still be in your own Hands; and your Authority the surer, the more it is strengthen’d with Confidence and Kindness. For you have not that Power you ought to have over him, till he comes to be more afraid of offending so good a Friend than of losing some Part of his future Expectation.

§ 98. Familiarity of Discourse, if it can become a Father to his Son, may much more be condescended to by a Tutor to his Pupil. All their Time together should not be spent in reading of Lectures, and magisterially dictating to him what he is to observe and follow. Hearing him in his turn, and using him to reason about what is propos’d, will make the Rules go down the easier and sink the deeper, and will give him a liking to Study and Instruction: And he will then begin to value Knowledge, when he sees that it enables him to discourse, and he finds the Pleasure and Credit of bearing a Part in the Conversation, and of having his Reasons sometimes approv’d and hearken’d to; particularly in Morality, Prudence, and Breeding, Cases should be put to him, and his Judgment ask’d. This opens the Understanding better than Maxims, how well soever explain’d, and settles the Rules better in the Memory for Practice. This Way lets Things into the Mind, which stick there, and retain their Evidence with them; whereas Words at best are faint Representations, being not so much as the true Shadows of Things, and are much sooner forgotten. He will better comprehend the Foundations and Measures of Decency and Justice, and have livelier, and more lasting Impressions of what he ought to do, by giving his Opinion on Cases propos’d, and reasoning with his Tutor on fit Instances, than by giving a silent, negligent, sleepy Audience to his Tutor’s Lectures; and much more than by captious logical Disputes, or set Declamations of his own, upon any Question. The one sets the Thoughts upon Wit and false Colours, and not upon Truth; the other teaches Fallacy, Wrangling, and Opiniatry; and they are both of them Things that spoil the Judgment, and put a Man out of the Way of right and fair Reasoning; and therefore carefully to be avoided by one who would improve himself, and be acceptable to others.

§ 99. When by making your Son sensible that he depends on you, and is in your Power, you have establish’d your Authority; and by being inflexibly severe in your Carriage to him when obstinately persisting in any illnatur’d Trick which you have forbidden, especially Lying, you have imprinted on his Mind that Awe which is necessary; and, on the other side, when (by permitting him the full Liberty due to his Age, and laying no Restraint in your Presence to those childish Actions and Gaiety of Carriage, which, whilst he is very young, is as necessary to him as Meat or Sleep) you have reconcil’d him to your Company, and made him sensible of your Care and Love of him, by Indulgence and Tenderness, especially caressing him on all Occasions wherein he does any Thing well, and being kind to him after a thousand Fashions, suitable to his Age, which Nature teaches Parents better than I can: When, I say, by these Ways of Tenderness and Affection, which Parents never want for their Children, you have also planted in him a particular Affection for you; he is then in the State you could desire, and you have form’d in his Mind that true Reverence which is always afterwards carefully to be continu’d, and maintain’d in both Parts of it, Love, and Fear, as the great Principles whereby you will always have Hold upon him, to turn his Mind to the Ways of Virtue and Honour.

§ 100. When this Foundation is once well lay’d, and you find this Reverence begin to work in him, the next thing to be done, is carefully to consider his Temper, and the particular Constitution of his Mind. Stubbornness, Lying, and ill-natur’d Actions, are not (as has been said) to be permitted in him from the Beginning, whatever his Temper be. Those Seeds of Vices are not to be suffer’d to take any Root, but must be carefully weeded out, as soon as ever they begin to shew themselves in him; and your Authority is to take Place and Influence his Mind, from the very dawning of any Knowledge in him, that it may operate as a natural Principle, whereof he never perceiv’d the Beginning, never knew that it was, or could be otherwise. By this, if the Reverence he owes you be establish’d early, it will always be sacred to him, and it will be as hard for him to resist it as the Principles of his Nature.

§ 101. Having thus very early set up your Authority, and by the gentler Applications of it sham’d him out of what leads towards an immoral Habit, as soon as you have observ’d it in him, (for I would by no Means have Chiding us’d, much less Blows, till Obstinacy and Incorrigibleness make it absolutely necessary) it will be fit to consider which Way the natural Make of his Mind inclines him. Some Men by the unalterable Frame of their Constitutions, are stout, others timorous, some confident, others modest, tractable, or obstinate, curious or careless, quick or slow. There are not more Differences in Men’s Faces, and the outward Lineaments of their Bodies, than there are in the Makes and Tempers of their Minds; only there is this Difference, that the distinguishing Characters of the Face, and the Lineaments of the Body, grow more plain and visible with Time and Age; but the peculiar Physiognomy of the Mind is most discernible in Children, before Art and Cunning have taught them to hide their Deformities, and conceal their ill Inclinations under a dissembled Outside.

§ 102. Begin therefore betimes nicely to observe your Son’s Temper; and that, when he is under least Restraint, in his Play, and as he thinks out of your Sight. See what are his predominate Passions and prevailing Inclinations; whether he be fierce or mild, bold or bashful, compassionate or cruel, open or reserv’d &c. For as these are different in him, so are your Methods to be different, and your Authority must hence take Measures to apply itself different Ways to him. These native Propensities, these Prevalencies of Constitution, are not to be cur’d by Rules, or a direct Contest, especially those of them that are the humbler and meaner Sort, which proceed from Fear, and Lowness of Spirit; though with Art they may be much mended, and turn’d to good Purposes. But this, be sure, after all is done, the Byass will always hang on that Side that Nature first plac’d it: And if you carefully observe the Characters of his Mind, now in the first Scenes of his Life, you will ever after be able to judge which Way his Thoughts lean, and what he aims at even hereafter, when, as he grows up, the Plot thickens, and he puts on several Shapes to act it.

§ 103. I told you before, that Children love Liberty; and therefore they should be brought to do the Things are fit for them, without feeling any Restraint laid upon them. I now tell you, they love something more; and that is Dominion: And this is the first Original of most vicious Habits, that are ordinary and natural. This Love of Power and Dominion shews itself very early, and that in these two Things.

§ 104. 1. We see children, as soon almost as they are born (I am sure long before they can speak) cry, grow peevish, sullen, and out of Humour, for nothing but to have their Wills. They would have their Desires submitted to by others; they contend for a ready Compliance from all about them, especially from those that stand near or beneath them in Age or Degree, as soon as they come to consider others with those Distinctions.

§ 105. Another Thing wherein they shew their Love of Dominion, is, their Desire to have Things to be theirs: They would have Propriety and Possession, pleasing themselves with the Power which that seems to give, and the Right they thereby have, to dispose of them as they please. He that has not observ’d these two Humours working very betimes in Children, has taken little Notice of their Actions: And he who thinks that these two Roots of almost all the Injustice and Contention that so disturb human Life, are not early to be weeded out, and contrary Habits introduc’d, neglects the proper Season to lay the Foundations of a good and worthy Man. To do this, I imagine these following Things may somewhat conduce.

§ 106. 1. That a Child should never be suffer’d to have what he craves, much less what he cries for, I had said, or so much as speaks for: But that being apt to be misunderstood, and interpreted as if I meant a Child should never speak to his Parents for any Thing, which will perhaps be thought to lay too great a Curb on the Minds of Children, to the Prejudice of that Love and Affection which should be between them and their Parents; I shall explain my self a little more particularly. It is fit that they should have Liberty to declare their Wants to their Parents, and that with all Tenderness they should be hearken’d to, and supply’d, at least whilst they are very little. But ’tis one Thing to say, I am hungry, another to say, I would have Roast-Meat. Having declar’d their Wants, their natural Wants, the Pain they feel from Hunger, Thirst, Cold, or any other Necessity of Nature, ’tis the Duty of their Parents and those about them to relieve them: But Children must leave it to the Choice and Ordering of their Parents, what they think properest for them, and how much; and must not be permitted to chuse for themselves, and say, I would have Wine, or White-bread; the very naming of it should make them lose it.

§ 107. That which Parents should take care of here, is to distinguish between the Wants of Fancy, and those of Nature; which Horace has well taught them to do in this Verse: Queis humana sibi doleat natura negatis.

Those are truly natural Wants, which Reason alone, without some other Help, is not able to fence against, nor keep from disturbing us. The Pains of Sickness and Hurts, Hunger, Thirst, and Cold, Want of Sleep and Rest or Relaxation of the Part weary’d with Labour, are what all Men feel, and the best dispos’d Minds cannot but be sensible of their Uneasiness; and therefore ought, by fit Applications, to seek their Removal, though not with Impatience, or over great Haste, upon the first Approaches of them, where delay does not threaten some irreparable Harm. The Pains that come from the Necessities of Nature, are Monitors to us to beware of greater Mischiefs, which they are the Forerunners of; and therefore they must not be wholly neglected, nor strain’d too far. But yet the more Children can be inur’d to Hardships of this Kind, by a wise Care to make them stronger in Body and Mind, the better it will be for them. I need not here give any Caution to keep within the Bounds of doing them good, and to take care, that what Children are made to suffer, should neither break their Spirits, nor injure their Health, Parents being but too apt of themselves to incline more than they should to the softer Side.

But whatever Compliance the Necessities of Nature may require, the Wants of Fancy Children should never be gratify’d in, nor suffered to mention. The very speaking for any such Thing should make them lose it. Clothes, when they need, they must have; but if they speak for this Stuff or that Colour, they should be sure to go without it. Not that I would have Parents purposely cross the Desires of their Children in Matters of Indifferency; on the contrary, where their Carriage deserves it, and one is sure it will not corrupt or effeminate their Minds, and make them fond of Trifles, I think all Things should be contriv’d, as much as could be, to their Satisfaction, that they may find the Ease and Pleasure of doing well. The best for Children is that they should not place any Pleasure in such Things at all, nor regulate their Delight by their Fancies, but be indifferent to all that Nature has made so. This is what their Parents and Teachers should chiefly aim at; but till this be obtain’d, all that I oppose here, is the Liberty of Asking, which in these Things of Conceit ought to be restrain’d by a constant Forfeiture annex’d to it.

This may perhaps be thought a little too severe by the natural Indulgence of tender Parents; but yet it is no more than necessary: For since the Method I propose is to banish the Rod, this Restraint of their Tongues will be of great Use to settle that Awe we have elsewhere spoken of, and to keep up in them the Respect and Reverence due to their Parents. Next, it will teach to keep in, and so master their Inclinations. By this Means they will be brought to learn the Art of stifling their Desires, as soon as they rise up in them, when they are easiest to be subdu’d. For giving Vent, gives Life and Strength to our Appetites; and he that has the Confidence to turn his Wishes into Demands, will be but a little Way from thinking he ought to obtain them. This, I am sure, every one can more easily bear a Denial from himself, than from any Body else. They should therefore be accustom’d betimes to consult, and make Use of their Reason, before they give Allowance to their Inclinations. ’Tis a great Step towards the Mastery of our Desires, to give this Stop to them, and shut them up in Silence. This Habit got by Children, of staying the Forwardness of their Fancies, and deliberating whether it be fit or no, before they speak, will be of no small Advantage to them in Matters of greater Consequence, in the future Course of their Lives. For that which I cannot too often inculcate, is, that whatever the Matter be about which it is conversant, whether great or small, the main (I had almost said only) Thing to be consider’d in every Action of a Child, is, what Influence it will have upon his Mind; what Habit it tends to, and is like to settle in him; how it will become him when he is bigger; and if it be encourag’d, whither it will lead him when he is grown up.

My Meaning therefore is not, that Children should purposely be made uneasy. This would relish too much of Inhumanity and ill Nature, and be apt to infect them with it. They should be brought to deny their Appetites; and their Minds, as well as Bodies, be made vigorous, easy, and strong, by the Custom of having their Inclinations in Subjection, and their Bodies exercis’d with Hardships: But all this, without giving them any Mark or Apprehension of ill Will towards them. The constant Loss of what they crav’d or carv’d to themselves, should teach them Modesty, Submission, and a Power to forbear: But the rewarding their Modesty, and Silence, by giving them what they lik’d, should also assure them of the Love of those who rigorously exacted this Obedience. The contenting them selves now in the Want of what they wish’d for, is a Virtue that another Time should be rewarded with what is suited and acceptable to them; which should be bestow’d on them as if it were a natural Consequence of their good Behaviour, and not a Bargain about it. But you will lose your Labour, and what is more, their Love and Reverence too, if they can receive from others what you deny them. This is to be kept very staunch, and carefully to be watch’d. And here the Servants come again in my Way.

§ 108. If this be begun betimes, and they accustom themselves early to silence their Desires, this useful Habit will settle them; and as they come to grow up in Age and Discretion, they may be allow’d greater Liberty, when Reason comes to speak in ’em, and not Passion: For whenever Reason would speak, it should be hearken’d to. But as they should never be heard, when they speak for any particular Thing they would have, unless it be first propos’d to them; so they should always be heard, and fairly and kindly answer’d, when they ask after any Thing they would know, and desire to be inform’d about. Curiosity should be as carefully cherish’d in Children, as other Appetites suppress’d.

However strict an Hand is to be kept upon all Desires of Fancy, yet there is one Case wherein Fancy must be permitted to speak, and be hearken’d to also. Recreation is as necessary as Labour or Food. But because there can be no Recreation without Delight, which depends not always on Reason, but oftner on Fancy, it must be permitted Children not only to divert themselves, but to do it after their own Fashion, provided it be innocently, and without Prejudice to their Health; and therefore in this Case they should not be deny’d, if they proposed any particular kind of Recreation. Tho’ I think in a well-order’d Education, they will seldom be brought to the Necessity of asking any such Liberty. Care should be taken, that what is of Advantage to them, they should always do with Delight; and before they are weary’d with one, they should be timely diverted to some other useful Employment. But if they are not yet brought to that Degree of Perfection, that one Way of Improvement can be made a Recreation to them, they must be let loose to the childish Play they fancy; which they should be wean’d from by being made to surfeit of it: But from Things of Use, that they are employ’d in, they should always be sent away with an Appetite; at least be dismiss’d before they are tir’d, and grow quite sick of it, that so they may return to it again, as to a Pleasure that diverts them. For you must never think them set right, till they can find Delight in the Practice of laudable Things; and the useful Exercises of the Body and Mind, taking their Turns, make their Lives and Improvement pleasant in a continu’d Train of Recreations, wherein the weary’d Part is constantly reliev’d and refresh’d. Whether this can be done in every Temper, or whether Tutors and Parents will be at the Pains, and have the Discretion and Patience to bring them to this, I know not; but that it may be done in most Children, if a right Course be taken to raise in them the Desire of Credit, Esteem, and Reputation, I do not at all doubt. And when they have so much true Life put into them, they may freely be talk’d with about what most delights them, and be directed or let loose to it; so that they may perceive that they are belov’d and cherish’d, and that those under whose Tuition they are, are not Enemies to their Satisfaction. Such a Management will make them in love with the Hand that directs them, and the Virtue they are directed to.

This farther Advantage may be made by a free Liberty permitted them in their Recreations, that it will discover their natural Tempers, shew their Inclinations and Aptitudes, and thereby direct wise Parents in the Choice both of the Course of Life and Employment they shall design them for, and of fit Remedies, in the mean time, to be apply’d to whatever Bent of Nature they may observe most likely to mislead any of their Children.

§ 109. 2. Children who live together, often strive for Mastery, whose Wills shall carry it over the rest: Whoever begins the Contest, should be sure to be cross’d in it. But not only that, but they should be taught to have all the Deference, Complaisance, and Civility one for the other imaginable. This, when they see it procures them Respect, Love and Esteem, and that they lose no Superiority by it, they will take more Pleasure in, than in insolent Domineering; for so plainly is the other. The Accusations of Children one against another, which usually are but the Clamours of Anger and Revenge desiring Aid, should not be favourably received, nor hearken’d to. It weakens and effeminates their Minds to suffer them to complain; and if they endure sometimes crossing or Pain from others without being permitted to think it strange or intolerable, it will do them no harm to learn sufferance, and harden them early. But though you give no Countenance to the Complaints of the Querulous, yet take Care to curb the Insolence and ill Nature of the Injurious. When you observe it your self, reprove it before the injur’d Party: But if the Complaint be of something really worth your Notice, and Prevention another time, then reprove the Offender by himself alone, out of sight of him that complain’d, and make him go and ask Pardon, and make Reparation: Which coming thus, as it were from himself, will be the more chearfully performed, and more kindly receiv’d, the Love strengthen’d between them, and a Custom of Civility grow familiar amongst your Children.

§ 110. 3. As to the having and possessing of Things, teach them to part with what they have, easily and freely to their Friends, and let them find by Experience that the most liberal has always the most Plenty, with Esteem and Commendation to boot, and they will quickly learn to practise it. This I imagine, will make Brothers and Sisters kinder and civiller to one another, and consequently to others, than twenty Rules about good Manners, with which Children are ordinarily perplex’d and cumber’d. Covetousness, and the Desire of having in our Possession, and under our Dominion, more than we have need of, being the Root of all Evil, should be early and carefully weeded out, and the contrary Quality of a Readiness to impart to others, implanted. This should be encourag’d by great Commendation and Credit, and constantly taking care that he loses nothing by his Liberality. Let all the Instances he gives of such Freeness be always repay’d, and with Interest; and let him sensibly perceive, that the Kindness he shews to others, is no ill Husbandry for himself; but that it brings a Return of Kindness both from those that receive it, and those who look on. Make this a Contest among Children, who shall out-do one another this Way: And by this Means, by a constant Practice, Children having made it easy to themselves to part with what they have, good Nature may be settled in them into an Habit, and they may take Pleasure, and pique themselves in being kind, liberal and civil, to others.

If Liberality ought to be encourag’d, certainly great Care is to be taken that Children transgress not the Rules of Justice: And whenever they do, they should be set right, and if there be Occasion for it, severely rebuk’d.

Our first Actions being guided more by Self-love than Reason or Reflection, ’tis no wonder that in Children they should be very apt to deviate from the just Measures of Right and Wrong; which are in the Mind the Result of improv’d Reason and serious Meditation. This the more they are apt to mistake, the more careful Guard ought to be kept over them; and every the least Slip in this great social Virtue taken notice of, and rectify’d; and that in Things of the least Weight and Moment, both to instruct their Ignorance, and prevent ill Habits; which from small Beginnings in Pins and Cherry-stones, will, if let alone, grow up to higher Frauds, and be in Danger to end at last in downright harden’d Dishonesty. The first Tendency to any Injustice that appears, must be suppress’d with a shew of Wonder and Abhorrence in the Parents and Governors. But because Children cannot well comprehend what Injustice is, till they understand Property, and how particular Persons come by it, the safest Way to secure Honesty, is to lay the Foundations of it early in Liberality, and an Easiness to part with to others whatever they have or like themselves. This may be taught them early, before they have Language and Understanding enough to form distinct Notions of Property, and to know what is theirs by a peculiar Right exclusive of others. And since Children seldom have any thing but by Gift, and that for the most part from their Parents, they may be at first taught not to take or keep any Thing but what is given them by those, whom they take to have Power over it. And as their Capacities enlarge, other Rules and Cases of Justice, and Rights concerning Meum and Tuum, may be propos’d and inculcated. If any Act of Injustice in them appears to proceed, not from Mistake, but a Perverseness in their Wills, when a gentle Rebuke and Shame will not reform this irregular and covetous Inclination, rougher Remedies must be apply’d: And ’tis but for the Father or Tutor to take and keep from them something that they value and think their own, or order somebody else to do it; and by such Instances, make them sensible what little Advantage they are like to make by possessing themselves unjustly of what is another’s, whilst there are in the World stronger and more Men than they. But if an ingenuous Detestation of this shameful Vice be but carefully and early instill’d into ’em, as I think it may, that is the true and genuine Method to obviate this Crime, and will be a better Guard against Dishonesty than any Considerations drawn from Interest; Habits working more constantly, and with greater Facility, than Reason, which, when we have most need of it, is seldom fairly consulted, and more rarely obey’d.

§ 111. Crying is a Fault that should not be tolerated in Children; not only for the unpleasant and unbecoming Noise it fills the House with, but for more considerable Reasons, in Reference to the Children themselves; which is to be our Aim in Education.

Their Crying is of two Sorts; either stubborn and domineering, or querulous and whining.

1. Their Crying is very often a striving for Mastery, and an open Declaration of their Insolence or Obstinacy; when they have not the Power to obtain their Desire, they will, by their Clamour and Sobbing, maintain their Title and Right to it. This is an avow’d continuing their Claim, and a sort of Remonstrance against the Oppression and Injustice of those who deny them what they have a mind to.

§ 112. 2. Sometimes their Crying is the effect of Pain, or true Sorrow, and a Bemoaning themselves under it.

These two, if carefully observ’d, may, by the Mien, Looks, Actions, and particularly by the Tone of their Crying, be easily distinguished; but neither of them must be suffer’d, much less encourag’d.

1. The obstinate or stomachful Crying should by no means be permitted, because it is but another way of flattering their Desires, and encouraging those Passions which ’tis our main Business to subdue: And if it be as often it is, upon the receiving any Correction, it quite defeats all the good Effects of it; for any Chastisement which leaves them in this declar’d Opposition, only serves to make them worse. The Restraints and Punishments laid on Children are all misapply’d and lost, as far as they do not prevail over their Wills, teach them to submit their Passions, and make their Minds supple and pliant to what their Parents’ Reason advises them now, and so prepare them to obey what their own Reason shall advise hereafter. But if in any Thing wherein they are cross’d, they may be suffer’d to go away crying, they confirm themselves in their Desires, and cherish the ill Humour, with a Declaration of their Right, and a Resolution to satisfy their Inclination the first Opportunity. This therefore is another Argument against the frequent Use of Blows: For, whenever you come to that Extremity, ’tis not enough to whip or beat them, you must do it, till you find you have subdu’d their Minds, till with Submission and Patience they yield to the Correction; which you shall best discover by their Crying, and their ceasing from it upon your Bidding. Without this, the beating of Children is but a passionate Tyranny over them; and it is mere Cruelty, and not Correction, to put their Bodies in Pain, without doing their Minds any Good. As this gives us a Reason why Children should seldom be corrected, so it also prevents their being so. For if, whenever they are chastis’d, it were done thus without Passion, soberly, and yet effectually too, laying on the Blows and Smart not furiously, and all at once, but slowly, with Reasoning between, and with Observation how it wrought, stopping when it had made them pliant, penitent and yielding; they would seldom need the like Punishment again, being made careful to avoid the Fault that deserv’d it. Besides, by this Means, as the Punishment would not be lost for being too little, and not effectual, so it would be kept from being too much, if we gave off as soon as we perceiv’d that it reach’d the Mind, and that was better’d. For since the Chiding or Beating of Children should be always the least that possibly may be, that which is laid on in the Heat of Anger, seldom observes that Measure, but is commonly more than it should be, though it prove less than enough.

§ 113. 2. Many children are apt to cry, upon any little Pain they suffer, and the least Harm that befals them puts them into Complaints and Bawling. This few Children avoid: For it being the first and natural Way to declare their Sufferings or Wants, before they can speak, the Compassion that is thought due to that tender Age foolishly encourages, and continues it in them long after they can speak. ’Tis the Duty, I confess, of those about Children, to compassionate them, whenever they suffer any Hurt; but not to shew it in pitying them. Help and ease them the best you can, but by no means bemoan them. This softens their Minds, and makes them yield to the little Harms that happen to them; whereby they sink deeper into that Part which alone feels, and makes larger Wounds there, than otherwise they would. They should be harden’d against all Sufferings, especially of the Body, and have no Tenderness but what rises from an ingenuous Shame, and a quick Sense of Reputation. The many Inconveniences this Life is expos’d to, require we should not be too sensible of every little Hurt. What our Minds yield not to, makes but a slight Impression, and does us but very little Harm. ’Tis the suffering of our Spirits that gives and continues the Pain. This Brawniness and Insensibility of Mind, is the best Armour we can have against the common Evils and Accidents of Life; and being a Temper that is to be got by Exercise and Custom, more than any other way, the Practice of it should be begun betimes; and happy is he that is taught it early. That Effeminacy of Spirit, which is to be prevented or cured, as nothing that I know so much increases in Children as Crying; so nothing, on the other Side, so much checks and restrains, as their being hinder’d from that sort of complaining. In the little Harms they suffer from Knocks and Falls, they should not be pitied for falling, but bid do so again; which besides that it stops their Crying, is a better Way to cure their Heedlessness, and prevent their tumbling another Time, than either chiding or bemoaning them. But, let the Hurts they receive be what they will, stop their Crying, and that will give them more Quiet and Ease at present, and harden them for the future.

§ 114. The former sort of Crying requires Severity to silence it; and where a Look, or a positive Command will not do it, Blows must: For it proceeding from Pride, Obstinacy, and Stomach, the Will, where the Fault lies, must be bent, and made to comply, by a Rigour sufficient to master it. But this latter being ordinarily from Softness of Mind, a quite contrary Cause, ought to be treated with a gentler Hand. Persuasion, or diverting the Thoughts another Way, or Laughing at their Whining, may perhaps be at first the proper Method: But for this, the Circumstances of the Thing, and the particular Temper of the Child, must be considered. No certain unvariable Rules can be given about it; but it must be left to the Prudence of the Parents or Tutor. But this, I think, I may say in general, that there should be a constant discountenancing of this sort of Crying also; and that the Father, by his Authority, should always stop it, mixing a greater Degree of Roughness in his Looks or Words, proportionably as the Child is of a greater Age, or a sturdier Temper: But always let it be enough to silence their Whimpering, and put an end to the Disorder.

§ 115. Cowardice and Courage are so nearly related to the foremention’d Tempers, that it may not be amiss here to take Notice of them. Fear is a Passion that, if rightly governed, has its Use. And though Self-love seldom fails to keep it watchful and high enough in us, yet there may be an Excess on the daring Side; Fool-hardiness and Insensibility of Danger being as little reasonable, as trembling and shrinking at the Approach of every little Evil. Fear was given us as a Monitor to quicken our Industry, and keep us upon our Guard against the Approaches of Evil; and therefore to have no Apprehension of Mischief at Hand, not to make a just Estimate of the Danger, but heedlessly to run into it, be the Hazard what it will, without considering of what Use or Consequence it may be, is not the Resolution of a rational Creature, but brutish Fury. Those who have Children of this Temper, have nothing to do, but a little to awaken their Reason, which Self-preservation will quickly dispose them to hearken to, unless (which is usually the Case) some other Passion hurries them on head-long, without Sense and without Consideration. A Dislike of Evil is so natural to Mankind, that no body, I think, can be without Fear of it: Fear being nothing but an Uneasiness under the Apprehension of that coming upon us, which we dislike. And therefore, whenever any one runs into Danger, we may say, ’tis under the Conduct of Ignorance, or the Command of some more imperious Passion, no body being so much an Enemy to himself, as to come within the Reach of Evil, out of free Choice, and court Danger for Danger’s sake. If it be therefore Pride, Vain-glory, or Rage, that silences a Child’s Fear, or makes him not hearken to its Advice, those are by fit Means to be abated, that a little Consideration may allay his Heat, and make him bethink himself, whether this Attempt be worth the Venture. But this being a Fault that Children are not so often guilty of, I shall not be more particular in its Cure. Weakness of Spirit is the more common Defect, and therefore will require the greater Care.

Fortitude is the Guard and Support of the other Virtues; and without Courage a Man will scarce keep steady to his Duty, and fill up the Character of a truly worthy Man.

Courage, that makes us bear up against Dangers that we fear and Evils that we feel, is of great Use in an Estate, as ours is in this Life, expos’d to Assaults on all hands: And therefore it is very advisable to get Children into this Armour as early as we can. Natural Temper, I confess, does here a great deal: But even where that is defective, and the Heart is in it self weak and timorous, it may, by a right Management, be brought to a better Resolution. What is to be done to prevent breaking Children’s Spirits by frightful Apprehensions instill’d into them when young, or bemoaning themselves under every little Suffering, I have already taken notice; how to harden their Tempers, and raise their Courage, if we find them too much subject to Fear, is farther to be consider’d.

True Fortitude, I take to be the quiet Possession of a Man’s self, and an undisturb’d doing his Duty, whatever Evil besets, or Danger lies in his Way. This there are so few Men attain to, that we are not to expect it from Children. But yet something may be done: And a wise Conduct by insensible Degrees may carry them farther than one expects.

The neglect of this great Care of them, whilst they are young, is the Reason, perhaps, why there are so few that have this Virtue in its full Latitude when they are Men. I should not say this in a Nation so naturally brave, as ours is, did I think that true Fortitude required nothing but Courage in the Field, and a Contempt of Life in the Face of an Enemy. This, I confess, is not the least part of it, nor can be denied the Laurels and Honours always justly due to the Valour of those who venture their Lives for their Country. But yet this is not all. Dangers attack us in other Places besides the Field of Battle; and though Death be the King of Terrors, yet Pain, Disgrace and Poverty, have frightful Looks, able to discompose most Men whom they seem ready to seize on: And there are those who contemn some of these, and yet are heartily frighted with the other. True Fortitude is prepar’d for Dangers of all kinds, and unmoved, whatsoever Evil it be that threatens. I do not mean unmoved with any Fear at all. Where Danger shews it self, Apprehension cannot, without Stupidity, be wanting: Where Danger is, Sense of Danger should be; and so much Fear as should keep us awake, and excite our Attention, Industry, and Vigour; but not disturb the calm Use of our Reason, nor hinder the Execution of what that dictates.

The first Step to get this noble and manly Steadiness, is, what I have above mentioned, carefully to keep Children from Frights of all kinds, when they are young. Let not any fearful Apprehensions be talk’d into them, nor terrible Objects surprize them. This often so shatters and discomposes the Spirits, that they never recover it again; but during their whole Life, upon the first Suggestion or Appearance of any terrifying Idea, are scatter’d and confounded; the Body is enervated, and the Mind disturb’d, and the Man scarce himself, or capable of any composed or rational Action. Whether this be from an habitual Motion of the animal Spirits, introduc’d by the first strong Impression, or from the Alteration of the Constitution by some more unaccountable way, this is certain, that so it is. Instances of such who in a weak timorous Mind, have borne, all their whole Lives through, the Effects of a Fright when they were young, are every where to be seen, and therefore as much as may be to be prevented.

The next thing is by gentle Degrees to accustom Children to those things they are too much afraid of. But here great Caution is to be used, that you do not make too much Haste, nor attempt this Cure too early, for fear lest you increase the Mischief instead of remedying it. Little ones in Arms may be easily kept out of the way of terrifying Objects, and till they can talk and understand what is said to them, are scarce capable of that Reasoning and Discourse which should be used to let them know there is no harm in those frightful Objects, which we would make them familiar with, and do, to that Purpose by gentle Degrees bring nearer and nearer to them. And therefore ’tis seldom there is need of any Application to them of this kind, till after they can run about and talk. But yet, if it should happen that Infants should have taken Offence at any thing which cannot be easily kept out of their way, and that they shew Marks of Terror as often as it comes in sight; all the Allays of Fright, by diverting their Thoughts, or mixing pleasant and agreeable Appearances with it, must be used, till it be grown familiar and inoffensive to them.

I think we may observe, That, when Children are first born, all Objects of Sight that do not hurt the Eyes, are indifferent to them; and they are no more afraid of a Blackamoor or a Lion, than of their Nurse or a Cat. What is it then, that afterwards, in certain Mixtures of Shape and Colour, comes to affright them? Nothing but the Apprehensions of Harm that accompanies those things. Did a Child suck every Day a new Nurse, I make account it would be no more affrighted with the change of Faces at six Months old, than at sixty. The Reason then why it will not come to a Stranger, is, because having been accustomed to receive its Food and kind Usage only from one or two that are about it, the Child apprehends, by coming into the Arms of a Stranger, the being taken from what delights and feeds it and every Moment supplies its Wants, which it often feels, and therefore fears when the Nurse is away.

The only thing we naturally are afraid of is Pain, or Loss of Pleasure. And because these are not annexed to any Shape, Colour, or Size of visible Objects, we are frighted with none of them, till either we have felt Pain from them, or have Notions put into us that they will do us Harm. The pleasant Brightness and Lustre of Flame and Fire so delights Children, that at first they always desire to be handling of it: But when constant Experience has convinced them, by the exquisite Pain it has put them to, how cruel and unmerciful it is, they are afraid to touch it, and carefully avoid it. This being the Ground of Fear, ’tis not hard to find whence it arises, and how it is to be cured in all mistaken Objects of Terror. And when the Mind is confirm’d against them, and has got a Mastery over it self and its usual Fears in lighter Occasions, it is in good Preparation to meet more real Dangers. Your Child shrieks, and runs away at the Sight of a Frog; let another catch it, and lay it down at a good Distance from him: At first accustom him to look upon it; when he can do that, then to come nearer to it, and see it leap without Emotion; then to touch it lightly, when it is held fast in another’s Hand; and so on, till he can come to handle it as confidently as a Butterfly or a Sparrow. By the same way any other vain Terrors may be remov’d; if care be taken, that you go not too fast, and push not the Child on to a new Degree of Assurance, till he be thoroughly confirm’d in the former. And thus the young Soldier is to be train’d on to the Warfare of Life; wherein Care is to be taken, that more things be not represented as dangerous than really are so; and then, that whatever you observe him to be more frighted at than he should, you be sure to tole him on to by insensible Degrees, till he at last, quitting his Fears, masters the Difficulty, and comes off with Applause. Successes of this Kind, often repeated, will make him find, that Evils are not always so certain or so great as our Fears represent them; and that the way to avoid them, is not to run away, or be discompos’d, dejected, and deterr’d by Fear, where either our Credit or Duty requires us to go on.

But since the great Foundation of Fear in Children is Pain, the way to harden and fortify Children against Fear and Danger is to accustom them to suffer Pain. This ’tis possible will be thought, by kind Parents, a very unnatural thing towards their Children; and by most, unreasonable, to endeavour to reconcile any one to the Sense of Pain, by bringing it upon him. ’Twill be said: ‘It may perhaps give the Child an Aversion for him that makes him suffer; but can never recommend to him Suffering itself. This is a strange Method. You will not have Children whipp’d and punish’d for their Faults, but you would have them tormented for doing well, or for tormenting sake.’ I doubt not but such Objections as these will be made, and I shall be thought inconsistent with my self, or fantastical, in proposing it. I confess, it is a thing to be managed with great Discretion, and therefore it falls not out amiss, that it will not be receiv’d or relish’d, but by those who consider well, and look into the Reason of Things. I would not have Children much beaten for their Faults, because I would not have them think bodily Pain the greatest Punishment: And I would have them, when they do well, be sometimes put in Pain, for the same Reason, that they might be accustom’d to bear it, without looking on it as the greatest Evil. How much Education may reconcile young People to Pain and Sufferance, the Examples of Sparta do sufficiently shew: And they who have once brought themselves not to think bodily Pain the greatest of Evils, or that which they ought to stand most in fear of, have made no small Advance towards Virtue. But I am not so foolish to propose the Lacedæmonian Discipline in our Age or Constitution. But yet I do say, that inuring Children gently to suffer some Degrees of Pain without shrinking, is a way to gain Firmness to their Minds, and lay a Foundation for Courage and Resolution in the future Part of their Lives.

Not to bemoan them, or permit them to bemoan themselves, on every little Pain they suffer, is the first Step to be made. But of this I have spoken elsewhere.

The next thing is, sometimes designedly to put them in Pain: But care must be taken that this be done when the Child is in good Humour, and satisfied of the Good-will and Kindness of him that hurts him, at the time that he does it. There must no Marks of Anger or Displeasure on the one side, nor Compassion or Repenting on the other, go along with it: And it must be sure to be no more than the Child can bear without repining or taking it amiss, or for a Punishment. Managed by these Degrees, and with such Circumstances, I have seen a Child run away laughing with good smart Blows of a Wand on his Back, who would have cried for an unkind Word, and have been very sensible of the Chastisement of a cold Look, from the same Person. Satisfy a Child by a constant Course of your Care and Kindness, that you perfectly love him, and he may by Degrees be accustom’d to bear very painful and rough Usage from you, without flinching or complaining: And this we see Children do every Day in play one with another. The softer you find your Child is, the more you are to seek Occasions, at fit times, thus to harden him. The great Art in this is, to begin with what is but very little painful, and to proceed by insensible Degrees, when you are playing, and in good Humour with him, and speaking well of him: And when you have once got him to think himself made amends for his Suffering by the Praise is given him for his Courage; when he can take a Pride in giving such Marks of his Manliness, and can prefer the Reputation of being Brave and Stout, to the avoiding a little Pain, or the Shrinking under it; you need not despair in time and by the Assistance of his growing Reason, to master his Timorousness, and mend the Weakness of his Constitution. As he grows bigger, he is to be set upon bolder Attempts than his natural Temper carries him to; and whenever he is observ’d to flinch from what one has reason to think he would come off well in, if he had but Courage to undertake, that he should be assisted in at first, and by Degrees sham’d to, till at last Practice has given more Assurance, and with it a Mastery; which must be rewarded with great Praise, and the good Opinion of others, for his Performance. When by these Steps he has got Resolution enough not to be deterr’d from what he ought to do, by the Apprehension of Danger; when Fear does not, in sudden or hazardous Occurrences, discompose his Mind, set his Body a-trembling, and make him unfit for Action, or run away from it, he has then the Courage of a rational Creature: And such an Hardiness we should endeavour by Custom and Use to bring Children to, as proper Occasions come in our way.

§ 116. One thing I have frequently observ’d in Children, that when they have got Possession of any poor Creature, they are apt to use it ill: They often torment, and treat very roughly, young Birds, Butterflies, and such other poor Animals which fall into their Hands, and that with a seeming kind of Pleasure. This I think should be watched in them, and if they incline to any such Cruelty, they should be taught the contrary Usage. For the Custom of tormenting and killing of Beasts, will, by Degrees, harden their Minds even towards Men; and they who delight in the Suffering and Destruction of inferior Creatures, will not be apt to be very compassionate or benign to those of their own kind. Our Practice takes notice of this in the Exclusion of Butchers from Juries of Life and Death. Children should from the beginning be bred up in an Abhorrence of killing or tormenting any living Creature; and be taught not to spoil or destroy any thing, unless it be for the Preservation or Advantage of some other that is nobler. And truly, if the Preservation of all Mankind, as much as in him lies, were every one’s Persuasion, as indeed it is every one’s Duty, and the true Principle to regulate our Religion, Politicks and Morality by, the World would be much quieter, and better natur’d than it is. But to return to our present Business; I cannot but commend both the Kindness and Prudence of a Mother I knew, who was wont always to indulge her Daughters, when any of them desired Dogs, Squirrels, Birds, or any such things as young Girls use to be delighted with: But then, when they had them, they must be sure to keep them well, and look diligently after them, that they wanted nothing, or were not ill used. For if they were negligent in their Care of them, it was counted a great Fault, which often forfeited their Possession, or at least they fail’d not to be rebuked for it; whereby they were early taught Diligence and good Nature. And indeed, I think People should be accustomed, from their Cradles, to be tender to all sensible Creatures, and to spoil or waste nothing at all.

This Delight they take in doing of Mischief, whereby I mean spoiling of any thing to no purpose, but more especially the Pleasure they take to put any thing in Pain, that is capable of it; I cannot persuade my self to be any other than a foreign and introduced Disposition, an Habit borrowed from Custom and Conversation. People teach Children to strike, and laugh when they hurt or see Harm come to others: And they have the Examples of most about them, to confirm them in it. All the Entertainment and Talk of History is of nothing almost but Fighting and Killing: And the Honour and Renown that is bestowed on Conquerors (who for the most part are but the great Butchers of Mankind) farther mislead growing Youth, who by this means come to think Slaughter the laudable Business of Mankind, and the most heroick of Virtues. By these Steps unnatural Cruelty is planted in us; and what Humanity abhors, Custom reconciles and recommends to us, by laying it in the way to Honour. Thus, by Fashion and Opinion, that comes to be a Pleasure, which in it self neither is, nor can be any. This ought carefully to be watched, and early remedied; so as to settle and cherish the contrary and more natural Temper of Benignity and Compassion in the room of it; but still by the same gentle Methods which are to be applied to the other two Faults beforemention’d. It may not perhaps be unreasonable here to add this farther Caution, viz, That the Mischiefs or Harms that come by Play, Inadvertency, or Ignorance, and were not known to be Harms, or design’d for Mischief’s sake, though they may perhaps be sometimes of considerable Damage, yet are not at all, or but very gently, to be taken notice of. For this, I think, I cannot too often inculcate, That whatever Miscarriage a Child is guilty of, and whatever be the Consequence of it, the thing to be regarded in taking Notice of it, is only what Root it springs from, and what Habit it is like to establish: And to that the Correction ought to be directed, and the Child not to suffer any Punishment for any Harm which may have come by his Play or Inadvertency. The faults to be amended lie in the Mind; and if they are such as either Age will cure, or no ill Habits will follow from, the present Action, whatever displeasing Circumstances it may have, is to be passed by without any Animadversion.

§ 117. Another way to instill Sentiments of Humanity, and to keep them lively in young Folks, will be, to accustom them to Civility in their Language and Deportment towards their Inferiors and the meaner sort of People, particularly Servants. It is not unusual to observe the Children in Gentlemen’s Families treat the Servants of the House with domineering Words, Names of Contempt, and an imperious Carriage; as if they were of another Race and Species beneath them. Whether ill Example, the Advantage of Fortune, or their natural Vanity, inspire this Haughtiness, it should be prevented, or weeded out; and a gentle, courteous, affable Carriage towards the lower Ranks of Men, placed in the room of it. No part of their Superiority will be hereby lost; but the Distinction increased, and their Authority strengthen’d; when Love in Inferiors is join’d to outward Respect, and an Esteem of the Person has a Share in their Submission: And Domesticks will pay a more ready and chearful Service, when they find themselves not spurn’d because Fortune has laid them below the Level of others at their Master’s Feet. Children should not be suffer’d to lose the Consideration of human Nature in the Shufflings of outward Conditions. The more they have, the better humour’d they should be taught to be, and the more compassionate and gentle to those of their Brethren who are placed lower, and have scantier Portions. If they are suffer’d from their Cradles to treat Men ill and rudely, because, by their Father’s Title, they think they have a little Power over them, at best it is ill-bred; and if Care be not taken, will by Degrees nurse up their natural Pride into an habitual Contempt of those beneath them. And where will that probably end but in Oppression and Cruelty?

§ 118. Curiosity in Children (which I had Occasion just to mention § 108.) is but an Appetite after Knowledge; and therefore ought to be encouraged in them, not only as a good Sign, but as the great Instrument Nature has provided to remove that Ignorance they were born with; and which, without this busy Inquisitiveness, will make them dull and useless Creatures. The ways to encourage it, and keep it active and busy, are, I suppose, these following:

1. Not to check or discountenance any Enquiries he shall make, nor suffer them to be laugh’d at; but to answer all his Questions, and explain the Matter he desires to know, so as to make them as much intelligible to him as suits the Capacity of his Age and Knowledge. But confound not his Understanding with Explications or Notions that are above it; or with the Variety or Number of things that are not to his present Purpose. Mark what ’tis his Mind aims at in the Question, and not what Words he expresses it in: And when you have informed and satisfied him in that, you shall see how his Thoughts will enlarge themselves, and how by fit Answers he may be led on farther than perhaps you could imagine. For Knowledge is grateful to the Understanding, as Light to the Eyes: Children are pleased and delighted with it exceedingly, especially if they see that their Enquiries are regarded, and that their desire of Knowing is encouraged and commended. And I doubt not but one great Reason why many Children abandon themselves wholly to silly Sports, and trifle away all their Time insipidly, is, because they have found their Curiosity baulk’d, and their Enquiries neglected. But had they been treated with more Kindness and Respect, and their Questions answered, as they should, to their Satisfaction; I doubt not but they would have taken more Pleasure in Learning, and improving their Knowledge, wherein there would be still Newness and Variety, which is what they are delighted with, than in returning over and over to the same Play and Play-things.

§ 119. 2. To this serious answering their Questions, and informing their Understandings, in what they desire, as if it were a Matter that needed it, should be added some peculiar Ways of Commendation. Let others whom they esteem, be told before their Faces of the Knowledge they have in such and such things; and since we are all, even from our Cradles, vain and proud Creatures, let their Vanity be flatter’d with Things that will do them good; and let their Pride set them on work on something which may turn to their Advantage. Upon this Ground you shall find, that there cannot be a greater Spur to the attaining what you would have the Eldest learn, and know himself, than to set him upon teaching it his younger Brothers and Sisters.

§ 120. 3. As Children’s Enquiries are not to be slighted; so also great Care is to be taken, that they never receive deceitful and eluding Answers. They easily perceive when they are slighted or deceived; and quickly learn the Trick of Neglect, Dissimulation and Falshood, which they observe others to make use of. We are not to intrench upon Truth in any Conversation, but least of all with Children; since if we play false with them, we not only deceive their Expectation, and hinder their Knowledge, but corrupt their Innocence, and teach them the worst of Vices. They are Travellers newly arrived in a strange Country, of which they know nothing; we should therefore make Conscience not to mislead them. And though their Questions seem sometimes not very material, yet they should be seriously answer’d: For however they may appear to us (to whom they are long since known) Enquiries not worth the making; they are of Moment to those who are wholly ignorant. Children are Strangers to all we are acquainted with; and all the things they meet with, are at first unknown to them, as they once were to us: And happy are they who meet with civil People, that will comply with their Ignorance, and help them to get out of it.

If you or I now should be set down in Japan, with all our Prudence and Knowledge about us, a Conceit whereof makes us, perhaps, so apt to slight the Thoughts and Enquiries of Children; should we, I say, be set down in Japan, we should, no doubt (if we would inform our selves of what is there to be known) ask a thousand Questions, which, to a supercilious or inconsiderate Japaner, would seem very idle and impertinent; though to us they would be very material and of Importance to be resolved; and we should be glad to find a Man so complaisant and courteous, as to satisfy our Demands, and instruct our Ignorance.

When any new thing comes in their way, Children usually ask the common Question of a Stranger: What is it? Whereby they ordinarily mean nothing but the Name; and therefore to tell them how it is call’d, is usually the proper Answer to that Demand. And the next Question usually is, What is it for? And to this it should be answered truly and directly: The Use of the Thing should be told, and the way explained, how it serves to such a Purpose, as far as their Capacities can comprehend it. And so of any other Circumstances they shall ask about it; not turning them going, till you have given them all the Satisfaction they are capable of; and so leading them by your Answers into farther Questions. And perhaps to a grown Man, such Conversation will not be altogether so idle and insignificant as we are apt to imagine. The native and untaught Suggestions of inquisitive Children do often offer things, that may set a considering Man’s Thoughts on Work. And I think there is frequently more to be learn’d from the unexpected Questions of a Child, than the Discourses of Men, who talk in a Road, according to the Notions they have borrowed, and the Prejudices of their Education.

§ 121. 4. Perhaps it may not sometimes be amiss to excite their Curiosity by bringing strange and new things in their way, on purpose to engage their Enquiry, and give them Occasion to inform themselves about them: And if by chance their Curiosity leads them to ask what they should not know, it is a great deal better to tell them plainly, that it is a thing that belongs not to them to know, than to pop them off with a Falshood or a frivolous Answer.

§ 122. Pertness, that appears sometimes so early, proceeds from a Principle that seldom accompanies a strong Constitution of Body, or ripens into a strong Judgment of Mind. If it were desirable to have a Child a more brisk Talker, I believe there might be ways found to make him so: But I suppose a wise Father had rather that his Son should be able and useful, when a Man, than pretty Company, and a Diversion to others, whilst a Child: Though if that too were to be consider’d, I think I may say, there is not so much Pleasure to have a Child prattle agreeably, as to reason well. Encourage therefore his Inquisitiveness all you can, by satisfying his Demands, and informing his Judgment, as far as it is capable. When his Reasons are any way tolerable, let him find the Credit and Commendation of it: And when they are quite out of the way, let him, without being laugh’d at for his Mistake, be gently put into the right; and if he shew a Forwardness to be reasoning about Things that come in his way, take care, as much as you can, that no body check this Inclination in him, or mislead it by captious or fallacious ways of talking with him. For when all is done, this, as the highest and most important Faculty of our Minds, deserves the greatest Care and Attention in cultivating it: The right Improvement, and Exercise of our Reason being the highest Perfection that a Man can attain to in this Life.

§ 123. Contrary to this busy inquisitive Temper, there is sometimes observable in Children, a listless Carelessness, a want of Regard to any thing, and a sort of trifling even at their Business. This sauntring Humour I look on as one of the worst Qualities can appear in a Child, as well as one of the hardest to be cured, where it is natural. But it being liable to be mistaken in some Cases, Care must be taken to make a right Judgment concerning that trifling at their Books or Business, which may sometimes be complained of in a Child. Upon the first Suspicion a Father has, that his Son is of a sauntring Temper, he must carefully observe him, whether he be listless and indifferent in all in his Actions, or whether in some things alone he be slow and sluggish, but in others vigorous and eager. For tho’ we find that he does loiter at his Book, and let a good deal of the time he spends in his Chamber or Study, run idly away; he must not presently conclude, that this is from a sauntring Humour in his Temper. It may be childishness, and a preferring something to his Study, which his Thoughts run on: And he dislikes his Book, as is natural, because it is forced upon him as a Task. To know this perfectly, you must watch him at Play, when he is out of his Place and Time of Study, following his own Inclinations; and see there whether he be stirring and active; whether he designs any thing, and with Labour and Eagerness pursues it, till he has accomplished what he aimed at, or whether he lazily and listlesly dreams away his Time. If this Sloth be only when he is about his Book, I think it may be easily cured. If it be in his Temper, it will require a little more Pains and Attention to remedy it.

§ 124. If you are satisfied by his Earnestness at play, or any thing else he sets his Mind on, in the Intervals between his Hours of Business, that he is not of himself inclined to Laziness, but that only want of Relish of his Book makes him negligent and sluggish in his Application to it; the first Step is to try by talking to him kindly of the Folly and Inconvenience of it, whereby he loses a good Part of his Time, which he might have for his Diversion: But be sure to talk calmly and kindly, and not much at first, but only these plain Reasons in short. If this prevails, you have gain’d the Point in the most desirable Way, which is that of Reason and Kindness. If this softer Application prevails not, try to shame him out of it, by laughing at him for it, asking every Day, when he comes to Table, if there be no Strangers there, How long he was that Day about his Business: And if he has not done it in the time he might be well supposed to have dispatched it, expose and turn him into ridicule for it; but mix no chiding, only put on a pretty cold Brow towards him, and keep it till he reform; and let his Mother, Tutor, and all about him do so too. If this work not the Effect you desire, then tell him he shall be no longer troubled with a Tutor to take Care of his Education, you will not be at the Charge to have him spend his Time idly with him; but since he prefers This or That [whatever Play he delights in] to his Book, that only he shall do; and so in earnest set him to work on his beloved Play, and keep him steadily, and in earnest, to it Morning and Afternoon, till he be fully surfeited, and would, at any rate, change it for some Hours at his Book again. But when you thus set him his Task of Play, you must be sure to look after him your self, or set some Body else to do it, that may constantly see him employed in it, and that he be not permitted to be idle at that too. I say, your self look after him; for it is worth the Father’s while, whatever Business he has, to bestow two or three Days upon his Son, to cure so great a Mischief as his sauntring at his Business.

§ 125. This is what I propose, if it be Idleness, not from his general Temper, but a peculiar or acquir’d Aversion to Learning, which you must be careful to examine and distinguish. But though you have your Eyes upon him, to watch what he does with the Time which he has at his own Disposal, yet you must not let him perceive that you or any body else do so; for that may hinder him from following his own Inclination, which he being full of, and not daring, for fear of you, to prosecute what his Head and Heart are set upon, he may neglect all other Things, which then he relishes not, and so may seem to be idle and listless, when in Truth it is nothing but being intent on that, which the fear of your Eye or Knowledge keeps him from executing. To be clear in this Point, the Observation must be made when you are out of the way, and he not so much as under the Restraint of a Suspicion that any body has an Eye upon him. In those Seasons of perfect Freedom, let some body you can trust mark how he spends his Time, whether he unactively loiters it away, when without any Check he is left to his own Inclination. Thus, by his Employing of such Times of Liberty, you will easily discern, whether it be Listlessness in his Temper, or Aversion to his Book, that makes him saunter away his Time of Study.

§ 126. If some Defect in his Constitution has cast a Damp on his Mind, and he be naturally listless and dreaming, this unpromising Disposition is none of the easiest to be dealt with, because, generally carrying with it an Unconcernedness for the future, it wants the two great Springs of Action, Foresight and Desire; which how to plant and increase, where Nature has given a cold and contrary Temper, will be the Question. As soon as you are satisfied that this is the Case, you must carefully enquire whether there be nothing he delights in: Inform your self what it is he is most pleased with; and if you can find any particular Tendency his Mind hath, increase it all you can, and make use of that to set him on Work, and to excite his Industry. If he loves Praise, or Play, or fine Clothes, &c. or, on the other Side, dreads Pain, Disgrace, or your Displeasure, &c. whatever it be that he loves most, except it be Sloth (for that will never set him on Work) let that be made use of to quicken him, and make him bestir himself. For in this listless Temper, you are not to fear an Excess of Appetite (as in all other Cases) by cherishing it. ’Tis that which you want, and therefore must labour to raise and increase; for where there is no Desire, there will be no Industry.

§ 127. If you have not Hold enough upon him this Way, to stir up Vigour and Activity in him, you must employ him in some constant bodily Labour, whereby he may get an Habit of doing something. The keeping him hard to some Study were the better Way to get him an Habit of exercising and applying his Mind. But because this is an invisible Attention, and no body can tell when he is or is not idle at it, you must find bodily Employments for him, which he must be constantly busied in, and kept to; and if they have some little Hardship and Shame in them, it may not be the worse, that they may the sooner weary him, and make him desire to return to his Book. But be sure, when you exchange his Book for his other Labour, set him such a Task, to be done in such a Time as may allow him no Opportunity to be idle. Only after you have by this Way brought him to be attentive and industrious at his Book, you may, upon his dispatching his Study within the Time set him, give him as a Reward some Respite from his other Labour; which you may diminish as you find him grow more and more steady in his Application, and at last wholly take off when his sauntring at his Book is cured.

§ 128. We formerly observed, that Variety and Freedom was That that delighted Children, and recommended their Plays to them; and that therefore their Book, or any Thing we would have them learn, should not be enjoined them as Business. This their Parents, Tutors, and Teachers are apt to forget; and their Impatience to have them busied in what is fit for them to do, suffers them not to deceive them into it: But by the repeated Injunctions they meet with, Children quickly distinguish between what is required of them, and what not. When this Mistake has once made his Book uneasy to him, the Cure is to be applied at the other End. And since it will be then too late to endeavour to make it a Play to him, you must take the contrary Course: Observe what Play he is most delighted with; enjoin that, and make him play so many Hours every Day, not as a Punishment for playing, but as if it were the Business required of him. This, if I mistake not, will in a few Days make him so weary of his most beloved Sport, that he will prefer his Book, or any Thing to it, especially if it may redeem him from any Part of the Task of Play is set him, and he may be suffered to employ some Part of the Time destined to his Task of Play in his Book, or such other Exercise as is really useful to him. This I at least think a better Cure than that Forbidding, (which usually increases the Desire) or any other Punishment should be made use of to remedy it: For when you have once glutted his Appetite (which may safely be done in all Things but eating and drinking) and made him surfeit of what you would have him avoid, you have put into him a Principle of Aversion, and you need not so much fear afterwards his longing for the same Thing again.

§ 129. This I think is sufficiently evident, that Children generally hate to be idle. All the Care then is, that their busy Humour should be constantly employ’d in something of Use to them; which, if you will attain, you must make what you would have them do a Recreation to them, and not a Business. The Way to do this, so that they may not perceive you have any Hand in it, is this proposed here; viz. To make them weary of that which you would not have them do, by enjoining and making them under some Pretence or other do it, till they are surfeited. For Example: Does your Son play at Top and Scourge too much? Enjoin him to play so many Hours every Day, and look that he do it; and you shall see he will quickly be sick of it, and willing to leave it. By this Means making the Recreations you dislike a Business to him, he will of himself with Delight betake himself to those Things you would have him do, especially if they be proposed as Rewards for having performed his Task in that Play which is commanded him. For if he be ordered every Day to whip his Top so long as to make him sufficiently weary, do you not think he will apply himself with Eagerness to his Book, and wish for it, if you promise it him as a Reward of having whipped his Top lustily, quite out all the Time that is set him? Children, in the Things they do, if they comport with their Age, find little Difference so they may be doing: The Esteem they have for one Thing above another they borrow from others; so that what those about them make to be a Reward to them, will really be so. By this Art it is in their Governor’s Choice, whether Scotch-hoppers shall reward their Dancing, or Dancing their Scotch-hoppers; whether Peg-Top, or Reading; playing at Trap, or studying the Globes, shall be more acceptable and pleasing to them; all that they desire being to be busy, and busy, as they imagine, in Things of their own Choice, and which they receive as Favours from their Parents or others for whom they have Respect and with whom they would be in Credit. A Set of Children thus ordered and kept from the ill Example of others, would all of them, I suppose, with as much Earnestness and Delight, learn to read, write, and what else one would have them, as others do their ordinary Plays: And the eldest being thus entered, and this made the Fashion of the Place, it would be as impossible to hinder them from learning the one, as it is ordinarily to keep them from the other.

§ 130. Play-things, I think, Children should have, and of divers sorts; but still to be in the Custody of their Tutors or some body else, whereof the Child should have in his Power but one at once, and should not be suffered to have another but when he restored that. This teaches them betimes to be careful of not losing or spoiling the Things they have; whereas Plenty and Variety in their own keeping, makes them wanton and careless, and teaches them from the Beginning to be Squanderers and Wasters. These, I confess, are little Things, and such as will seem beneath the Care of a Governor; but nothing that may form Children’s Minds is to be overlooked and neglected, and whatsoever introduces Habits, and settles Customs in them, deserves the Care and Attention of their Governors, and is not a small Thing in its Consequences.

One Thing more about Children’s Play-things may be worth their Parents’ Care. Though it be agreed they should have of several Sorts, yet, I think, they should have none bought for them. This will hinder that great Variety they are often overcharged with, which serves only to teach the Mind to wander after Change and Superfluity, to be unquiet, and perpetually stretching itself after something more still, though it knows not what, and never to be satisfied with what it hath. The Court that is made to People of Condition in such kind of Presents to their Children, does the little ones great harm. By it they are taught Pride, Vanity and Covetousness, almost before they can speak: And I have known a young Child so distracted with the Number and Variety of his Play-games, that he tired his Maid every Day to look them over; and was so accustomed to Abundance, that he never thought he had enough, but was always asking, What more? What more? What new Thing shall I have? A good Introduction to moderate Desires, and the ready Way to make a contented happy Man!

“ How then shall they have the Play-games you allow them, if none must be bought for them?” I answer, They should make them themselves, or at least endeavour it, and set themselves about it; till then they should have none, and till then they will want none of any great Artifice. A smooth Pebble, a Piece of Paper, the Mother’s Bunch of Keys, or any Thing they cannot hurt themselves with, serves as much to divert little Children as those more chargeable and curious Toys from the Shops, which are presently put out of order and broken. Children are never dull, or out of Humour, for want of such Play-things, unless they have been used to them; when they are little, whatever occurs serves the Turn; and as they grow bigger, if they are not stored by the expensive Folly of others, they will make them themselves. Indeed, when they once begin to set themselves to work about any of their Inventions, they should be taught and assisted; but should have nothing whilst they lazily sit still, expecting to be furnish’d from other hands, without employing their own. And if you help them where they are at a Stand, it will more endear you to them than any chargeable Toys you shall buy for them. Play-things which are above their Skill to make, as Tops, Gigs, Battledores, and the like, which are to be used with Labour, should indeed be procured them. These ’tis convenient they should have, not for Variety but Exercise; but these too should be given them as bare as might be. If they had a Top, the Scourge-stick and Leather-strap should be left to their own making and fitting. If they sit gaping to have such Things drop into their Mouths, they should go without them. This will accustom them to seek for what they want, in themselves and in their own Endeavours; whereby they will be taught Moderation in their Desires, Application, Industry, Thought, Contrivance, and good Husbandry; Qualities that will be useful to them when they are Men, and therefore cannot be learned too soon, nor fixed too deep. All the Plays and Diversions of Children should be directed towards good and useful Habits, or else they will introduce ill ones. Whatever they do, leaves some Impression on that tender Age, and from thence they receive a Tendency to Good or Evil: And whatever hath such an Influence, ought not to be neglected.

§ 131. Lying is so ready and cheap a Cover for any Miscarriage, and so much in Fashion among all Sorts of People, that a Child can hardly avoid observing the use is made of it on all Occasions, and so can scarce be kept without great Care from getting into it. But it is so ill a Quality, and the Mother of so many ill ones that spawn from it, and take shelter under it, that a Child should be brought up in the greatest Abhorrence of it imaginable. It should be always (when occasionally it comes to be mention’d) spoke of before him with the utmost Detestation, as a Quality so wholly inconsistent with the Name and Character of a Gentleman, that no body of any Credit can bear the Imputation of a Lie; a Mark that is judg’d the utmost Disgrace, which debases a Man to the lowest Degree of a shameful Meanness, and ranks him with the most contemptible Part of Mankind and the abhorred Rascality; and is not to be endured in any one who would converse with People of Condition, or have any Esteem or Reputation in the World. The first Time he is found in a Lie, it should rather be wondered at as a monstrous Thing in him, than reproved as an ordinary Fault. If that keeps him not from relapsing, the next Time he must be sharply rebuked, and fall into the State of great Displeasure of his Father and Mother and all about him who take Notice of it. And if this Way work not the Cure, you must come to Blows; for after he has been thus warned, a premeditated Lie must always be looked upon as Obstinacy, and never be permitted to escape unpunished.

§ 132. Children, afraid to have their Faults seen in their naked Colours, will, like the rest of the Sons of Adam, be apt to make Excuses. This is a Fault usually bordering upon, and leading to Untruth, and is not to be indulged in them; but yet it ought to be cured rather with Shame than Roughness. If therefore, when a Child is questioned for any Thing, his first Answer be an Excuse, warn him soberly to tell the Truth; and then if he persists to shuffle it off with a Falsehood, he must be chastised; but if he directly confess, you must commend his Ingenuity, and pardon the Fault, be it what it will; and pardon it so, that you never so much as reproach him with it, or mention it to him again: For if you would have him in love with Ingenuity, and by a constant Practice make it habitual to him, you must take care that it never procure him the least Inconvenience; but on the contrary, his own Confession bringing always with it perfect Impunity, should be besides encouraged by some Marks of Approbation. If his Excuse be such at any time that you cannot prove it to have any Falshood in it, let it pass for true, and be sure not to shew any Suspicion of it. Let him keep up his Reputation with you as high as is possible; for when once he finds he has lost that, you have lost a great, and your best Hold upon him. Therefore let him not think he has the Character of a Liar with you, as long as you can avoid it without flattering him in it. Thus some Slips in Truth may be over-looked. But after he has once been corrected for a Lie, you must be sure never after to pardon it in him, whenever you find and take notice to him that he is guilty of it: For it being a Fault which he has been forbid, and may, unless he be wilful, avoid, the repeating of it is perfect Perverseness, and must have the Chastisement due to that Offence.

§ 133. This is what I have thought concerning the general Method of educating a young Gentleman; which, though I am apt to suppose may have some Influence on the whole Course of his Education, yet I am far from imagining it contains all those Particulars which his growing Years or peculiar Temper may require. But this being premised in general, we shall in the next Place, descend to a more particular Consideration of the several Parts of his Education.